Otherwise known as stories we missed while we were on vacation...

-The last time we heard from Krissy Keefer, the Green candidate for Congress, she and some of her gal-pals were banging the Taiko drum and handing out cookies to celebrate her official entrance into the race. We maybe a little fuzzy on our American history, but we think Lincoln started that way too. Anyways, we hadn't heard from her since then but last week, she and her Merry Band of Dancers took part in a celebration of Fidel Castro's 80th birthday, which the San Francisco Sentinel described as a "spectacular evening ensemble of music, song, dance and poetry." Keefer's dance troupe performed and Keefer performed the monologue during the performance. You know, nothing says "striving for mainstream political acceptance" like staging dance performances to celebrate Fidel Castro. While it's not official, word has it that Keefer is in talks to take part in a new VH-1 reality show "Dancing With Dictators." It's not known yet who'll she be dancing with, but we hear the Stacey Keibler/Mahmoud Ahmadinejad team will be pretty hard to beat.

-With the possibility of their livelihood challenged, San Francisco's strippers, err exotic dancers, did what you do in San Francisco, took to the streets in protest. With chants of "No Stripping, No Peace," "You Don't Shake Us All Night Long," and "Free Mumia!" the protestors marched in front of City Hall last Friday. The occasion for all of this was another hearing in front of the Entertainment Commission to determine whether private booths would still be allowed in strip clubs. We wanted to do a special SFist I-Team Investigation to see just what does happen in those private booths, but Eve wouldn't allow us to expense the $300 bucks that would have allowed us to conduct the proper investigation.

-For those of you wondering just what Lawrence Livermore Labs does these days, we have an answer-- wade into the JFK Assassination Investigation. Turns out two scientists at the Labs did an investigation and scientifically disproved the "Magic Bullet Theory." Yep, the Lawrence Livermore National Laboratory-- Not Just For Bubonic Plague Anymore. Basically, scientists took a look at all the physical evidence surrounding the bullet upon which the theory was created and determined that the conclusions reached concerning the bullet were incorrect. Well, of course, they were incorrect-- you can't build a conspiracy theory to protect Lyndon Johnson, the Military Industrial Complex, the Mafia, and Fidel Castro by coming up with correct conclusions concerning evidence. In fact, the scientist behind the claim, who figured out all this stuff on his own time, has made a specialty in showing that old ways of tracking bullets through what was considered their "fingerprint" don't really work because a bullet's "fingerprint" isn't really that much different than that of other bullets. The Scientists, however, have nothing to say about the "Magic Loogie Theory."