American Football Spectacular: Hitler, Gore, And Attacking The Police

This week, our 49ers finally got some production from running back Kevan Barlow. What we got was a fourth round draft pick in a trade with the New York Jets, and a bunch of grief out of Barlow's mouth as he left San Francisco for the East Coast.

Spiteful at Head Coach Nolan, Barlow vented his frustration to a Contra Costa Times reporter.

"He walks around with a chip on his shoulder, like he's a dictator, like he's Hitler," Barlow told the CC Times. "People are scared of him. If it ain't Nolan's way, it's the highway."

Dude, OK, you're upset. Fine. You want to blow off steam? Fine. Yet saying something like that as you're being shipped from team to team won't improve one's reputation in the NFL.

Of a time, Barlow was a tantalizing prospect. Drafted by the Niners in the third round of 2001, he represented a big-bodied running back with the agility to shimmy past defenders or the size to rumble over them with an energetic style. Though he began by toeing the party line regarding the depth chart, in short time he chafed at apprenticing under Garrison Hearst, and yearned to be San Francisco's starting runner. Once Hearst aged out of the picture, Barlow regressed. He openly feuded with staunch fullback Fred Beasley. Beez was one of the best at his position, and a team leader. Not a good idea on Kevan's part. And after receiving a new contract, he seemed to lose his runner's heart. His style had become gingerly and wan, where once a Barlow run would be a marked by a flurry of limbs and a wild-eyed enthusiasm.

For example, in the first preseason game against Dah Bearss, Barlow didn't see fit to reach out to catch an easily catchable checkdown pass in the flat. He didn't care to make the effort.

By SFist Christopher Rogers, contributing

So, last season, enter Coach Nolan II. Barlow's starting job was challenged by the grimly determined Frank Gore. Kevan's excuses and back-biting timidity did not sit well under Nolan's strong-handed authority. All signs pointed to the driven Gore winning the starting job. There was no place for Kevan. It could easily be conjectured that he would have become a loudly unhappy camper once Gore surged past him into the starter's role. Barlow became expendable, and thusly he was expended.

After his comments were not taken out of the paper as Barlow pleaded with the reporter to do so, he made the perfunctory apologies and has since worked to play down his comments for whatever they were worth.

"I was kind of harsh on him, saying he's a dictator. That's bad. Saddam Hussein is a dictator," Barlow said in the Chronicle. "I was speaking on emotion."

Nolan, to his credit, handled the situation diplomatically.

"It's unfortunate he feels that way," said Nolan to the AP. "Personally, I feel Kevan is a good kid. When I came here I heard negative things about him and trouble in the locker room. When I was here, I thought he did the right things, like calling me if he was late or calling if he said the wrong thing to the media. As long as he was here, he was a model citizen."

OK, good. Now all parties involved can move on. The Niners will go with Gore as the starter, Maurice Hicks as backup, and rookie Michael Robinson as the change-of-pace RB. Barlow gets a fresh start in New York, going from a reasonably upward-bound franchise to a team in a great deal of flux.

Kevan may find the journalists in our nation's largest media market a great deal less gentle. It will be interesting how he fares under their pitiless and withering glare.

Here at American Football Spectacular, we just want to take a moment to mention how difficult it is to saddle a child with a name that they will have to explain for the rest of their lives. Not like Lakshmi or Django or Haloti or Heloise, it's Kevan; a name one step away from a name that people might ordinarily expect. Not a name that stands out, but something that has to be explained to every substitute teacher and every auto-spellcheck program they'd ever have to come across. "Kevin?" "No, it's Kevan." That's a tough thing to have to deal with. Not so bad as the tale in Cash's "A Boy Named Sue," but still, that's an annoyance of a hand to be dealt.

Parents, don't have your children grow up to be Kevans. And for that matter, don't let your bands name themselves like Linkin Park.

* * *

Three more downs to go:

* Jerry "Flash 80" Rice retired as a 49er.
At long last, the greatest receiver of all time called it a career. Good on you, Jerry. You looked pretty good in that suit. You looked good in that Niners jersey when you played. And that Dancing With The Stars thing? Well, that never happened. It never happened. Now, Jerry is trying to pitch a reality show of his own. Here's a show that we would watch. "Retired." See! Jerry Rice, a hardcore perfectionist workaholic attempt to relax! Either he'd lose his mind Surreal Life-style, or, you know, perhaps he'll take to retirement and do just fine with his feet up on the coffee table in the family room eatin' Neopolitan ice cream watching Project Runway wearing PJs. Yup.

* Former Raiders center Barret Robbins is sentenced to probation.
Poor Barret. Of course, he was the guy who went AWOL before the Super Bowl against Tampa Bay. Then on January 15, 2005 he was was shot three times by police and arrested in a brawl with police when they responded to a burglary call in Miami Beach. He has been diagnosed with bipolar disorder, and AFS sincerely hopes he gets the help that he needs.

* The 49ers' center Jeremy Newberry is out for year.
This is a bad column for centers. Newberry, the Niners' All-Pro center, was placed on the Injured Reserve list yesterday, ending his 2006 season before it began. He has been having chronic knee problems for the last couple years, hampering his playing time. He had ended the last two seasons on the IR. It's been hard on the big J-New62. This IR may be his last. Just as last season, the Niners have stalwart Stanford alum Eric Heitmann as the starting man in the middle.

Next up on your American Football Spectacular: The Lions come to Oakland on Friday, and the 49ers go to Dallas on Saturday as the the preseason grinds toward the promis of the regular season.