Last week's winner, the SF Weekly. Do you want to be a fill-in copy editor for the Weekly? First question: does fill-in need a hyphen? Also, you must know Quark. We skipped Matt Smith this week, we just weren't up for the hate. The Apologist on traffic. Can we also confess that we don't really get the Ephraim the Track Bike column, though we do love it. Advice on effective protesting. Cover article: a con artist in jail made some prank phone calls and punked the police into letting a bunch of people out of prison. Dang! Hawaiian hardcore at El Rio on Saturday. Meredith takes her mom to the seafood place on 14th and Church that SFist Ced went to a month or so ago. A listing of your latest indie rock darlings -- the name Oh No! Oh My! is pretty good. And SFist Eve's horoscope: Rob Breszny suggests listening to Emmylou Harris.

Next up, the Metro: It's the Sports issue! We now have a mental image of the cover of the same-named Huey Lewis and the News album, where Mr. Lewis has a jacket slung over his shoulder. Meanwhile, the Fly is slogging through 2000+ pages of grand jury testimony about the whole Ron Gonzales garbage deal. Gary Singh about the homeless guy at ZeroOne. The Metro's Snakes On A Plane quiz. Why does Shakira have Wyclef Jean doing that "Shakira Shakira" thing at the beginning of Hips Don't Lie? And fancy modern Indian food in Paly.

After the jump: The EBX and the Guardian, along with the Weekly of the Week!

The East Bay Express: We'd just like to say we read this issue over some extremely flavorful dumplings in the Oakland Chinatown, and you should get yourselves some of the same as soon as possible. Okay, where were we? An emotionally disturbed valedictorian, now Cal student, who threatened to kill the Fremont mayor, along with prank calling the cops in San Ramon. Angry, angry about insider land deals in Oakland. And in the related cover article: how Randy Ward and Oakland taxpayers got sold out by Don Perata over a deal for the Oakland school district. Lots of East Bay political dirt! Juicy! An art show at the pinball bar in Alameda, and Bay Guardian writer George Chen has a new band called KIT. East Bay cafes. And why's Contra Costa so freaked out about hip hop shows, anyways?

Okay, last one -- it's the Guardian! Stand-in editor this week Lynn Rapoport urges you to read the Guardian's blogs. We love you, Bruce Brugmann, but please, please, please make your entries shorter! The Guardian is flabbergasted that former go-to progressive Adam Werbach has taken a job with Wal-Mart. Is he a greeter? (kidding, kidding, we know he's not a greeter.) Sonic Reducer goes to SRL. Did you know L.E Leone is 43 years old? Tossing the Rasputin Manifesto. And a pseudonymous author reviews the "introduction to Scientology" filmstrip at the Scientology Center -- yow!

Weekly of the Week: It's a close one between the Guardian and the EBX this week -- but we're giving it to the EBX because 1) we love reporting about dirty political shenanigans and 2) the Guardian didn't make nearly enough fun of Adam Werbach. That Scientology article is how it's supposed to be done, SFBG!