We fondly remember some of the first dinner parties we hosted. But we doubt our friends look back so kindly on those early entertaining experiments. They probably remember two-hour delays before any food arrived, nervous breakdowns from the host, and missing side dishes. Think Pieces of April without the happy ending.
Not anymore. We've conquered our entertaining woes. And we want to help you pull off your own special dinners for friends or loved ones, because we're sure they'd appreciate the effort and kindness. Just remember to invite us.
Plan the Menu
We love this part of the process. We flip through cookbooks for inspiration, imagine intricate platings, and daydream about our friends dining at The French Laundry saying, "This is almost as good as that dish at that one dinner party." We try and plan at least a couple weeks in advance, though we always find last-minute changes. We keep an eye out for components of each dish that we can make in advance, so that we have less stress on the day of the dinner party.
When picking dishes, try and consider the season. No one wants to eat a light salad on a cold winter night, and no one wants to eat choucroute garnie on a blistering summer day. Also, think about your guests' tastes. Not just whether they're vegan or allergic to the color orange or vegetarian-except-for-bacon-and-sushi-and-sometimes-a-big-fat-steak, but what kind of food they might be comfortable eating. For instance, your cloistered friend who's only eaten at McDonald's might not be ready for a big slab of foie gras.
Also, know what's possible. If you're having your significant other over on a Thursday night after work, maybe a six-course meal isn't the best strategy. Add courses gradually to your menus, though we should note that we jumped from three to five courses in one bound.
Finally, pick dishes you've made before, or plan to make a new dish at least once before the big night. That way you can work out any kinks. You can bypass this rule if your friends want to be guinea pigs or if you've made all the elements of a dish in the past, or if you're using a well-tested cookbook.
Once you've sketched in the food you're going to serve, pick out some wines or other beverages. We gave our basic advice for food and wine pairing, but we'll add just one more rule when you're having multiple wines: Wines should go from lightest to heaviest, driest to sweetest.
The Big Day
The List is the first thing we make on the day of the dinner party. The List has a detailed breakdown of every step needed to make each dish, including times when that item needs to be done. We put it up on the refrigerator and cross off each item as we finish it. This is totally anal; we know it. But The List has saved our parties so many times we wouldn't work without it. You may think you'll remember to turn the oven to 350° at 7:00, but as time ticks past and tasks fill up, you may forget to turn that knob. We know because we've forgotten that very step in the past. We list both absolute times and relative times such as "guests arrive, put chicken in oven." That way if our guests are running late, the dinner continues to run smoothly.
Prep your ingredients throughout the day, and have them all at hand. The French call this mise en place or "put in place." Our collection of prep bowls may be our most useful entertaining tool. Group ingredients for one dish together so that you remember to add everything to a dish (friend of SFist Tom uses a large, disposable foil tray for each dish—each one holds the cups and bags of pre-measured, prepared ingredients so that it's easy to find every component). Anything you can chop before the guests arrive is one less task you need to do at the time, and one less task that will force your friends to wait for dinner.
If you can swing it, get some help with some of the work. We couldn't pull off six-course dinner parties without test kitchen photographer Melissa's cleaning efforts in the rest of the top-secret SFist cooking facility. If you're on your own, clean in advance and then add last-minute touch-ups to your List. Don't forget about setting the table.
Always have a platter of appetizers and a drink ready when guests arrive. These cover up any number of timing sins in the kitchen; your guests will be more tolerant of delays if you smooth the edges of their hunger. You don't have to do anything fancy here. Some olives, some bread, and a Fatted Calf product or two will keep guests satisfied without filling them up.
At the Dinner Table
Okay, we know the feeling. You've just put down the food that you've worked so hard to cook, and you can instantly tell what's wrong with it. And you want to head off your friends' behind-the-hand commentary by providing it yourself.
Don't.
It took us forever to learn this, but your guests don't want to hear your opinion about how bad the food is. First, they're not dining with you because they want to hear you kvetch. And if you point out what's wrong, they may notice something they hadn't before, so now you've tainted their experience. Keep your commentary to yourself and just soldier on. We could think of a dozen things that went wrong at our last dinner party, from minor to relatively major. Our guests either didn't notice, didn't care, or were too polite to say anything.
The proper response to "This is really good" is "Thanks," not "Well, it's a little dry."
Got any good entertaining tips? Or good entertaining disasters to share? Let us know in the comments.
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I use The List, too. Last winter, I made a lovely Fatted Calf "Porchetta" roast, a spinach and bacon salad, potato leek soup with chicken stock base, and a fallen chocolate souffle cake for my friends Jason and Jane. Right after I dumped the bacon onto the salad, Jason asked, "You remember that Jane's a vegetarian, right?"
The next morning, my wife altered The List:
"7:15p - take roast from oven. 7:16p - remember that Jane is a vegetarian, panic. 7:17p - completely lose shit."
The List is great. But some things, even The List can't save.
D'oh!
Oh, that must've hurt. I might revert to nervous breakdowns if that happened to me. I'm sure she liked the souffle cake, at least!
Making a meat based meal for someone that turns out to be a vegetarian is indeed panic inducing. I made baked ham, mashed potatoes, green beans and ham gravy. I assembled four plates and brought them out to the table. My thin, East Coast cousin smiled and said calmly with a laugh, "Oh, I don't eat meat. Sorry, I should've told you."
Ya think??
The List is a great idea-it starts with the shopping and gets one through the entire prep and cooking. And who doesn't love those little glass bowls? So cute and handy.
Mary,
Oh, that's a bad guest. I'm always, well not happy, but willing to accommodate eating quirks, but sheesh, the guest has some burden of responsibility as well.
And yes, the bowls are super-cute. Melissa bought me a zillion one Christmas, and I use them heavily.
I used to take the time to ask guests if they had any food issues. Most of the time I'd get the standard, "Oh, we eat anything" only to see those same people later picking out tiny diced peppers from a salad or leaving their peas on the side of the plate. Now, I figure, if the issue is that important, it's up to the guests to tell me when they accept the invitation (not as the food is being dished out). Any vegetarian who accepts an invitation without reminding the host they don't eat meat deserves to watch while everyone else eats their steaks.
Anyone who is that damn picky about food that someone else has lovingly prepared for them...should stay at home. Do I go to your house and say "oh, gosh, I have to have meat, sorry I forgot to tell you?"
MB,
You're wiser than I; I retain that "must be a perfect host" impulse, even in the face of picky guests. Melissa and I keep a spreadsheet of all our friends' likes and dislikes as we learn them. But I do agree that a vegetarian owes the host a heads-up that they're vegetarian. Because otherwise, that's just mean.
El Greco,
I actually really like the idea of going to a vegetarian's house and announcing that I have to have meat at the last minute. But that's just my mischievous streak.
But your comment brings up a good point. People often get nervous about cooking for us, because we're so into food. But as you say, if you've taken the time to prepare food and host me in your home, you've already won. We go to dinner to enjoy company and eat good food, not pick it apart and complain about this or that.
I am still laughing over the "vegetarian-except-for-bacon-and-sushi-and-sometimes-a-big-fat-steak" line. Too true, my favorite vegan used to beg nibbles of salami when we went backpacking together.
The List is a stroke of genius, not anal at all. The spreadsheet of your friends' food likes and dislikes however . . .
Actually, it's terribly thoughtful and kind of you. I'll never forget inviting a friend over for a multi-course Greek meal only to have him tell me, on arrival, that he hates tomatoes. They were in every dish I had made. Now I ask for likes, dislikes, and allergies when I extend the invitation. I sound paranoid when I do it, but it's easier in the long run. Great post, thanks!