Top Chef: And Then There Were Two
Yet another horrible photoshop job by SFist Jer.
Okay, folks, first let us apologize for not reviewing the delightful "chef reunion show" a few weeks back. Part of us wanted to, but we opted out because, honestly, who the hell wants to review a "clip show"? And who the hell wants to read a review of one? Besides, we were to damned hung over, since we'd stupidly tried to play the Top Chef Reunion Show Drinking Game.
This past Wednesday we were treated to part one of the two-part finale, which takes place in Las Vegas. While much of our interest in the show had to do with its local, er, location, we're far too invested to back out just because the final is on a bigger, gaudier stage.
Schleprock--er, that is, Dave--is the first to arrive. He's shown to the suite the three finalists will be sharing, and he's obviously thrilled as he eats a truffle. Next we see Harold walking in. Hey, Harold--no need to dress up or anything, being that you're about to be on national TV, not to mention in a swank hotel. The wrinkled v-neck undershirt is totally appropriate. The two guys check out the suite, kick back a bit. Dave seems almost gleeful that TIff hasn't shown up yet--and suddenly, there she is. She makes overtures to the camera about how seeing herself on TV has been some sort of mirror, where she understands a little more of why she was coming off as such a bitch. She's going to make an effort to be nicer. Dave still holds a grudge.
In the four months they've been off-air, Dave's been rendered jobless--the restaurant he worked at has been sold. Harold has been trying to get his own place open. Tiffani, according to Chef Tom's blog, was working as a server, presumably in an effort to get a feel for the front of the house.
The next day, the contestants meet up with the judges and host in the kitchen. Hey, Chef Hubert Keller is back! He was the guest judge in episode one, and is known in our city for being the chef at Fluer de Lys. Ah, at least there's a little San Francisco amidst all this Las Veg-ary. Chef Keller's inclusion was one but one of the clever nods to the show's premiere episode. The other was revealed in the Quickfire challenge.
Rather than serve as an appetizer to a main challenge, this time the Quickfire would serve as an elimination challenge. The contestants stiffen with that news, announced by hostess Katie Lee Joel (who is almost Trump-like in how she is constantly stating the obvious). The contestants have 10 minutes to familiarize themselves with an immense, stocked kitchen, after which they will start getting challenges in the form of room service orders.
(Aside: Was anybody else distracted by Judge Gail's weird shirt? While we surely consider her an attractive woman, there was something just wrong with it . . . almost Escher-like in its complexity and space morphing).
The first "order": comes in--they need to each prepare three seafood dishes to be delivered to a suite of "high rollers." Go! Dave struggles with a can opener. Harold slices fish. Tiffani also slices fish. Chef Tom is surprised--these are "high rollers." Nobody is going for the caviar, nor the kobe beef! No, evidently "high roller food" is the following:
Harold's version: a "snapper crudo," some sort of mussels soup
Tiffani's version: a "campeche carpaccio crudo"; roasted lobster and fennel
Dave's version: shrimp; opa rubbed with cinnamon
The surprise: the "high rollers" are our old friends Miguel, Lee Anne, and (bum bum bum) STEPHEN!! WHOO HOOO! Suddenly, this episode just got that much better. In our opinion, Stephen is like the human version of salt: you don't want to eat it by itself, but its mere presence will improve almost any dish. (Perhaps by as much as eight percent).
So, these former contestants judge the offerings blindly and determine that Harold is the winner. Dave's shrimp are dinged for leaving the shells on; evidently "high rollers" would lack the manual dexterity to pull them off. Tiff's crudo isn't flavorful enough. We were impressed: the judging, while a little bitchy, was really quite insightful, informed, and constructive. It was an excellent counterweight to the VERY FIRST elimination challenge in episode one, where all the contestants were just overly critical of each other's dishes.
Round Two: Service for P0ker Players
The gang next has to prepare dishes--snacks, really--that can be enjoyed by card players. Judge Gail oversees a table of p0ker players, who try the following offerings:
Dave's plates: eggrolls with a ginger sauce; fried shrimp; a salami panini sandwich; and finished with chocolate-covered strawberries
Harold's plates: beer-battered onion rings; honey-dijon chicken wings (from the freezer! fry daddy alert!); mini grilled cheese; mini-pizzas
Tiffani's plates: quince and goat cheese Napoleon; pancetta wrapped gracini (or, as we would sophisticatedly call it, " breadsticks with meat")--basically, high-falootin' things that, according to the judges, probably require a fork. Doh! (visions of the street food challenge dance in our heads).
Dave was initially somewhat derided for including a dessert during the prep sequence -- the usually infallible Chef Tom says something to the effect that card players won't want sticky fingers, blah blah. Oh, but Chef Collichio -- they can pick 'em up by the stem, man. The p0ker player actually love this touch by Dave. Somewhat ironically, they think Harold's (er, um, probably Stouffer's) wings are the best individual dish, but overall they liked Dave's "meal" best.
Round Three: Service for Cirque de Soleil Performers
This round: THREE dishes, representing high carb, high protein, and low fat options (presumably all at the same time). The offerings are carted out to folks from Cirque de Soleil.
Harold's plates: Chicken with gnocci (which looked so good we started licking our TV screen); kobe beef on bread salad; a pasta with lobster
Tiffani's plates: "Rubbery" pork; "over-rare" kobe beef; "too fishy" crab dish.
Dave's plates: grilled kobe beef; "kicked up" pasta.
Harold was lauded for including a chicken option. Dave's kobe beef was highlighted as the best dish, though Harold won overall. As you can tell from the above descriptions, Tiff's stuff was not up to par today. She's usually so, so good--we still dream about that pumpkin from week one, dammit! Still, if poor Dave had made the required THREE dishes instead of screwing up and making only two, it'd be him versus Harold next week.
So there you have it, folks -- each chef acquitted themselves fairly well (who've though Dave would win even a round?), and it was a good contest. But next week, no more "quickfire" -- it's all about Harold versus Tiffany, presumably using some eliminated contestants as their kitchen staff. Will Harold whip his staff into shape, or will his quiet leadership be enough? Will his menu be all be Thai-inspired fish dishes? Will Tiffani inspire loyalty? Will she bring her "A" game? Hold onto your hats.