Last week's winner, the East Bay Express: Vote for SFist in the EBX Readers' Poll! We love the chicken holding a sword with its foot in this week's Dream Comic. A company that puts prank pink flamingos on people's lawns (called "Flamingo Surprise"). Cover article: The Coup, along with that picture of their album with the World Trade Center blowing up. Rob Harvilla tells us his departure for the Village Voice isn't us, it's him. Good luck out there on the cold East Coast, Rob! Have fun with Christgau! Lit section. Hyphy hyphy hyphy hyphy hyphy. And SFist Eve's horoscope: she's going to "find the passion to unite what at first glance seems like an unlikely gathering of associates." That's us over here at SFist!

The SF Weekly: Vote for SFist in the SF Weekly Readers' Poll! The Apologist on the 1906 festivities, titled "Ready to Rumble." ("Honestly, I'm disgusted. This is a time to be celebrating earthquakes, not studying them." Ha!). Sucka Free City columnist (male) gives birth on Second Life. It's a girl! Cover article: Jewel thieves. Book section: The guilty pleasure of the Da Vinci Code. SFIFF. Meredith eats French! Good thing Ced's away, as we expect he was driven to heights of fury by the part where Meredith asks why a confit of rabbit isn't the same as a rabbit terrine. (We don't know the difference either, but we're sure our Gastronome does!). And Dan Savage infuriates bisexuals again.

The Guardian and the Metro, after the jump, along with the Weekly of the Week.

The Guardian: Tim Redmond says the Draft Matt (Gonzalez, for Congress) people look "half-assed." Dunk pit victim Ross Mirkarimi writes an op-ed (on the closing of John Swett Elementary). Phil Angelides! Anyone whose campaign slogan is "He stood up to Schwarzenegger and he'll stand up for you" is our man! Meanwhile, Fiona Ma doesn't bother even trying for the Bay Guardian endorsement. You kinda gotta respect that. Legalize all drugs. Cover article: the guy running against Pombo. Sonic Reducer meets the Destroyer (Dan Bejar, who sometimes plays with the New Pornographers). Superego on the purple fuzzy guy at the How Weird Street Fair. An art show featuring the messages notebook of a rooming group at Gallery 16. A gigantic sushi boat! Book reviews: agitator Mattilda aka Matt Bernstein Sycamore about Cindy Sheehan, Martha Stewart, and Karen Finley -- yow! SFIFF. And the sex columnist on people who try to persuade people on youth crisis lines to have phone sex with them. You know, that's kind of brilliant, in the bad way.

And the Metro: Gary Singh loves downtown SJ. Annalee Newitz left the EFF. The condo conversion debate moves down to the South Bay. Mocking Bush's visit to Cisco. A women's baseball league playing in Santa Clara. Colombian food. Cover article: wineries. Something Weird, the new cable channel playing only cult films. Comcast totally gets better channels in the South Bay than we do up here. And hyphy songs about sneakers.

Weekly of the Week: One of these days, we're going to go back and figure out if the winner is always the weekly that gets the longest writeup -- by length alone, it goes to the Guardian this week. The "half-assed" thing put 'em over the top!