Last week's winner, the Guardian (which now has no pictures of the current cover on its site for us to use to illustrate this post -- this is a picture from Sonic Reducer): How Tim Redmond set up wifi in his home. Robert Haaland, subject of the latest poorly-scanning Joe O'Donoghue poem, pens an op-ed on the Gap. Background on the (now-averted) school strike. Doesn't Janet Reilly kind of look like Tori Spelling? [picture is not online] NoJANETrious! Cover: motorcycling around the world. A life coach named Pat Murphy, who does not run the SF Sentinel. [we like the new web design but it's awfully hard to find articles on it; you'll have to read it on paper.] Annalee Newitz gets called fat on Slashdot. We need better indie rock DJs. And the sex columnist on sock fetishes and fire fetishes.

Next, the SF Weekly. Matt Smith's child goes to the same preschool as the little girl whose depressed mother killed her the other week. (Shoot, we left that mom out of the "babysitting woes" blotter roundup on Tuesday.) The Apologist on the rain -- and who caught the following sentence in the Chron? "Not that Mother Nature is any more responsive than the Board of Supervisors to an editorial opinion, but we call for sun." How did we miss that?? Oh yeah, that's right, we never read the Chron's editorials. A male Sucka Free City writer gets pregnant in his online game. Cover article: Why does KRON suck now? New video game: karaoke country. Good Chinese food at Balboa and 42nd (not Brody). The Coup. And Savage Love on castration.

The EBX and the Metro after the jump, along with the Weekly of the Week.

The East Bay Express: Bottom Feeder gets called vulgar by the Oakland mayoral candidates! Could it have something to do with columns like the one listing funny headlines using the word "probe" or "finger"? A 68-year-old going to jail for civil disobedience. Cover article: Miners versus elk in the Sunol and Ohlone Regional Wilderness. Vietnamese hot pot, and the triumphant return of Flint's BBQ. Hyphy mixes, and the new word to use for money is "gouda." And Amoeba's record label.

And the Metro: Gary Singh's in Santa Monica. The back story behind Measure A, the raise your taxes for transportation proposal. The Fly shifts from hating the Merc News to hating the Merc News's new purchaser. Cover: problems in the Santa Clara DA's office. Gossipy! A Japanese MC doing Brazilian funk, funny CDs at your public library, and an excellent list of bats**t insane musicians on film. And The Straight Dope on the benefits of pot.

Weekly of the Week: The SF Weekly! Who else is going to selflessly read the Chron's editorials for your snarking pleasure?