We were excited last week to see a big sexy pair of boobies on the cover of the SF Weekly -- and we were tingly all over to see that they were inviting us in to read about the San Francisco debut of New York's flagship grrrl-powered sexy party, Cake. But then we got really confused, as all the words like "objectify" and "male gaze" made us dizzy -- until we decided to make a drinking game out of it, of course.

What really made us confused is that we didn't learn anything about the party (was it fun?), but instead got a seven-page lecture on how porn is bad for women and how the women who go to these parties really can't be having fun because they don't know what life is like for real sex workers. Huh? We know a few local, fun-lovin' sex workers who had a blast at the party -- we guess the problem is that they mask their pain from the objectification of the male gaze with all that fun, so it's hard to tell.

Anyway, we thought we'd ask Emily Kramer from Cake (and co-author of the hands-on female sex empowerment book A Piece of Cake: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure, and the Cake blog) what we should do about Weekly writer Eliza Strickland's issues, and what the Cake party was really like.

SFist: Do you want me to spank Eliza Strickland with a copy of A Piece of Cake: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure? I'll *bring* it!

Emily Kramer: Ha! I think Midori should give Eliza a spanking for not including her performance in the piece. By the end of the night the Hot Stuff guests were gathered around a stage, on which Midori expertly presented a light kink show. In fiery latex, she used fetish, ropes, and toys in a display of female dominance that surely inspired fantasies for all.

SFist: Was the party fun, or what? What was the highlight of the night?

Emily Kramer: At one point I leaned back on a banquette and saw my just engaged friends dancing together with passionate looks at each other, two topless boys behind them with enormous smiles on their faces, Midori lounged on the side relaxing with a drink after her performance, a local news anchor on stage expanding his dance repertoire, and some new friends making out at the bar.

SFist: What did you think of the article? Are you tired of people taking about objectification and being a feminist when all you/we want to do is have fun?

Emily Kramer: I came out to SF in February to plan an event with Jenny Stark -- a long time CAKE member, to hook up with Carol Queen, Midori, Good Vibes, and the Center of Sex and Culture -- and to meet other cool sexy women like you. After almost six years of work in NY and London, and a successful SF event, I’m very happy to see CAKE welcomed as “outpost of mainstream, third-wave, sex-positive feminism” by the SF Weekly.

CAKE is our contribution to a 30 years history of sex-positive community and action that has been run by women. Despite all of our collective work, there is still a prevalent perspective wherein ALL women who explore sexual exhibitionism are reduced to victims of the aping, exploitative and ubiquitous male gaze. Worse yet, women are told we are “kidding ourselves” if we think we can enjoy public sexuality (Pamela Paul, author of “Pornified”), thereby stripping women of all the power we’ve earned as a result of feminism.

CAKE completely rejects this perspective. We are decidedly pro-choice, in theory and in action and provide information and public spaces for women to enjoy sexuality. Women can choose to be subjects, objects, or both at the same time. Our interest in exhibitions should not be discouraged simply because it also may serve the male desire to watch. Women always have a sexual perspective of our own, fully dressed, or totally naked.

Eliza failed to see how CAKE events go beyond the old model of male objectification. She asks how the Hot Stuff event differs from a Playboy lingerie party, which leads me to wonder if she has ever attended one herself. Hot Stuff featured SF women interested in sexual evolution and community, a group of men and women of diverse backgrounds and body-types interested in exploring exhibitionism on their own terms, projected visual imagery to spark fantasies, a female domination performance, and an informal readings of the CAKE book that challenges myths about women and sex based on women’s own experiences. I am tired of this current and evolving exploration getting reduced to an exploitative retro fad.

CAKE produces entertainment, content, information and education for women by women. We do not do this for men. On the contrary, we represent thousands of women who garner very powerful, pleasurable experiences by expressing our sexuality and moreover have a distinct need to do so to further our sexual evolutions.

We have a progressive philosophy: one that is not a derivative or perversion of male sexuality, but defined and evolved from women's needs and desires. While this includes what goes on behind closed doors, within relationships and our personal feelings about our bodies, fantasies and orgasm, some of those desires also need a public forum to be played out including exhibitionism, voyeurism, performance, visual imagery and experimentation.

We reject the old conservative argument that the choices women make stem from some sort of "false-consciousness." We reject the notion that in order to conserve women's chastity, female sexuality needs to only happen in private and women need to be protected, and hidden away from the so-called "evil male gaze." We reject the assertion that the public forum is fraught with negative consumerism and an inherently anti-woman sentiment.

This accusation that this generation of women are “co-opting ourselves” is especially troublesome when it is advertised with women’s bodies. Ariel Levy’s book Female Chauvinist Pigs features a mud flap girl on the cover, and banks on the very image she demeans on every page of her polemic. This week’s SFWeekly cover features a pair of hot tits, while questioning CAKE’s ability to create a fresh picture of female sexuality. In contrast, CAKE has come up with new images to promote female sexual pleasure, (see our 60 event invitations, extensive website graphics and book chapter icons) while also embracing image of the female body as a symbol of empowerment.

Eliza also questions “whether a crowd of gals primarily interested in going out and getting off adds up to a feminist movement.” CAKE isn’t just all about having fun. We make women’s positive sexual lives public to challenge a culture that continues to judge women for our sexual choices. This is why we wrote A Piece of CAKE: Recipes for Female Sexual Pleasure -- a vision of female sexual culture and equality that promotes:

A lifetime of sexual evolution, from day one.
A rocking body image, and reproductive rights.
Masturbation, orgasm, female ejaculation, and current information about female anatomy.
Vibrators and sex toys.
Explorative and communicative partner sex.
Personal sexual language and scripts.
Sexual expression
Sex for pleasure’s sake.
Visual stimulation
Hot and consensual power dynamics
Fluid sexual identity
Sex fantasies/experiences that expand the one male/one female equation.

If this vision doesn’t speak to you, but you appreciate women’s right to enjoy sexuality contribute to sexual culture with your own vision -- like so many women are doing now. If you only see “raunch” in this new generation of sexually expressive women -- you give credence to conservatives who believe that women shouldn’t have access to the HPV vaccine because female sexuality is a dangerous thing to promote. Women are rightfully more public about our bodies and our pleasure than we ever have been before, so let’s keep fighting for comprehensive sex education, and more options to control our reproductive health without pulling up our skirts and running back into the closet. Female sexual choice is a necessary part of sexual equality and must be a part of the current feminist movement.

SFist: Will there be another Cake SF?

Emily Kramer: Jenny Stark was the reason CAKE come to SF -- she had been a part of CAKE in NY for years and wanted to create a community around CAKE in SF. Interested in being a part of another event? Eager participants should write us at: goldengate@clubcake.com. With enough support we’ll party again! For photos of CAKE SF Hot Stuff and more info about CAKE check out: www.cakenyc.com.