Top Chef: Why Can't You Set That Monkfish Free?
Hey, Kids! Don't ah look yummah? Eat me!
SFist is back, trying to wet your whistle with another short recap of Bravo's delightful Top Chef, a reality competition for people with knives that takes place here in San Francisco and is full of local guest stars. In our first recap, we introduced the basic premise, some of the chefs, and posited that candidate Stephen is the epitome of evil amongst sommeliers. If only he wore a monocle and had a goatee.
In any case, episode three was the best yet: Stephen was delightfully pretentious and bitchy, the immunity challenge actually mattered, and there was some great in-fighting . . .
The quickfire (a.k.a. immunity) challenge was introduced in accordance with the episode's theme of turning something ugly into something palatable. The challenge? Cook some octopus. Which starts out gross, slimy, and tentacle-y. Candice squeals. Dave forgets to use salt and pepper (GASP!)! Guest judge, Chef Laurent Manrique of Aqua, is astounded. Cynthia has used "the cork trick," wherein you put a cork into the pot with the octopus to make it more tender. It matters not; Chef Manrique isn't impressed with her dish either. The winner of the quickfire octopus challenge, and thus immunity? Red-headed spitfire Tiffani, who, heretofore, was one of our favorite contestants. Not so by the end of the show. She impressed Chef Manrique with bringing the octopus back to its Mediterranean origins.
Unfortunately, the "cork trick," was Cynthia's swan song; she leaves the show to be with her ailing dad. Respect. Rather than that just winnowing it down, the Top Chef powers that be summon back last week's loser, Andrea! Wouldn't it be cruel if the same person got eliminated two weeks in a row? Didn't happen, though. Still Andrea must know she's on borrowed time.
So, the challenge -- the gang is divided into two teams ("red" and "blue", for originality), and must prepare a menu centered around the disgusting monkfish (see above), a delightfully hideous creature . . . but the customers will all be children! Let the shenanigans begin!
Image from Wikipedia; Photographer: Alexander Mayrhofer; License: GNU-FDL
Blue Team Recap: While cooking, Dave shoots down a couple of Brian's ideas. Brian seems to think Dave has proclaimed himself leader and tells Chef Tom (the permanent chef judge) as much. The team goes healthy; they bread & bake the monkfish. Sides include Brian's maple-glazed carrots and Tiffani's apple sauce.
Red Team Recap: Lisa has kids; while in the past few weeks she's seemed too meek to cut it, this week she exudes a quiet confidence. Go Lisa! Stephen (GRRRR!) still wants to do some sort of "monkfish three ways," not to mention some sort of canteloupe soup (has he ever MET a child?), but the sensible people neg him on that. He fights with Candice; calls her a child. He points to the logo on their chef's jackets: "What does this say? It says 'Top Chef.'" She calls him a tool. Luckily, Miguel, Lisa, and Andrea don't get involved in that petty stuff. Menu: "Monkey dogs," where they've pureed the monkfish and then breaded and deep-fried it. Sides include fruit with some yogurt dipping sauces.
At the Boys & Girls club, the kids scream when Katy Lee Joel shows them a whole monkfish. As it turns out, the kids pretty much like both teams' lunches. Stephen tries to speak in French cooking terms with, ya know, eight-year-olds. We know it's just a silly incident, but this guy just can't relate to anyone but perhaps his reflection. Brian does some nice bonding with some kids; he's a B&Gs Club alum. Miguel riles them up pretty well and leads them in chanting his team's name. Brian, from the other team, tries to do the same, but his team mates won't support him.
Winners? Red team. Andrea is safe. The kids did not like Brian's overcooked carrots, nor Tiffani's applesauce.
Top Chef goes all "Apprentice," boardroom style: someone from the Blue team is going home. Harold tries to fall on the sword with one of those "I knew the carrots sucked but I wasn't forceful enough" sort of speeches. Brian, his carrots a main culprit, insists that "that's how I make 'em," time and again. Chef Manrique STILL can't believe Dave didn't properly use salt and pepper in the earlier challenge--but how relevant is that to this team challenge? Brian does blame Dave for the loss, though--says Dave was the "team leader." No one else agrees. Tiffani flat out states she doesn't give a you know what about the palate of a 10-year-old. The judges are aghast; "the customer is always right," blah blah. Tiff won't relent. The judges FLAT OUT say she would be eliminated for her poor attitude but for her immunity from winning the quickfire challenge. The eliminee? Brian, probably because his dish was bad AND he won't relent that maybe carrots should be somewhat firm. Buh-bye. He proclaims that we haven't seen the last of him, he's "Brian Hill, chef to the stars in Los Angeles." Hey, Bri -- that and a buck seventy-five will get you a coffee at the Bean & Leaf.
Tune in Wednesday night at 10 p.m. on Bravo for episode four. Our prediction? Mistress-of-the-bowel-movement Andrea (again!) or model-in-the-midst-of-career-change Candice goes down. Feel free to share your predictions, or insult (or stick up for?) the pomposity that is Stephen in the comments section!