Who Should Coach the Raiders?
Now that the Super Bowl is over, the big question in the NFL is no longer "Seahawks: Screwed Over or Screwed Up?" but who will the Rai-duhs choose as their new head coach. The reason for all the intrigue goes way beyond the fact that in an off-season in which eight teams were looking for a head coach and so many candidates were interviewed that even the towel boy for the Patriots got a courtesy call, the Rai-duhs still haven't really made that much of an effort. No, the reason for all the intrigue is because once again trying to figure out the impenetrable mind of the Alster is an adventure. It's so mysterious that whenever Al chooses a coach, reporters have to camp themselves out in front of Raiders HQ to see what color smoke emanates out from the chimney.
So with that in mind, we thought we'd take a look at the potential candidates and a few of our own.
Ken Whisenhut- Whisenhut, the Offensive Coordinator for the newly crowned Super Bowl champs Steelers is the leading contender mainly because he's the Offensive Coordinator for the newly crowned Super Bowl Champs. That looks really good on the resume. He had a big hand in it, calling nearly perfect games in the playoffs and just enough big play calls to win the Super Bowl. As the Steelers' OC, he also deserves a lot of credit for turning Mr. Champion Drinker into somebody who most sportswriters have already voted into the Hall of Fame.
Negatives: First off, the Steelers' offense was mainly run first, run second, and throw every once in awhile to keep people from falling asleep. No vertical passing game there. But the main reason why we don't see Whisenhut as the guy is because Al is notoriously both cheap and meddling as an owner and tends to go for coaches who are either desperate or eager. We don't see Whisenhut as being either. Why should he take the Raiders job? Would you?
James Lofton- A Hall of Fame Wide Receiver, Lofton is currently the Receivers coach of the San Diego Chargers, a team known for it's pass-catching TE and running game. We guess that as a former receiver, especially one who played a season for the Silver & Black, Lofton would be all about Al's beloved vertical game and would understand the importance of getting the damn ball to Randy Moss. Also, Lofton is black and considering the black eye the NFL is getting for it's lack of minority coaching, it would earn Al some valuable good karma.
Negatives: Most great football players make lousy coaches and most great coaches were lousy players. Case in point: a Bill Cowher NFL MVP player card is extremely hard to find.
Art Shell- Once upon a time, Shell was the head coach of the Raiders and a pretty good one at that, compiling a winning record in six seasons. He also played for the Silver & Back, of course, and went into the Hall of Fame as such. It also helps that in the past, Al has admitted that regretted firing Art, probably because he was the only coach except Gruden who won. Shell hasn't coached in awhile, however, which might be considered a negative, but his inability to get another head coaching job had the usual suspects screaming racism and the rest of us to thinking they were probably right.
Negatives: Not that it makes Al look desperate, but it's the equivalent of looking up an old flame on Google and sending them an e-mail to see if they want to get together for a drink.
Al Davis- We always wondered why Al never went back to coaching and think it makes sense in that "if you can't trust somebody to do something, do it yourself" kind of way. Considering how it's well known that he helps prepare the game plan, it won't be that much of a change anyway. He also was a pretty darn good coach when he did coach too.
Negatives: As coach and owner, Al would have nobody to blame when the team losses.
Dave Wannstedt- Every year when a team makes it to the 'Bowl, everyone looks at the team that won and starts copying. This year's hot trend? Mustaches. So then why not hire the guy with perhaps the greatest mustache in coaching history?
Negatives: Was a lousy coach in Chicago., a lousy coach in Miami, and is now a lousy coach in college.
Coach Janky Spanky- Spanky's brilliant blitz packages helped the Redskins have one of the best D's in the league.
Negatives: Like Whisenhut, Spanky favors the run over the pass and likes the 4-3 while Davis is fond of the 3-4.
Bill Murray- No, not the current, "serious actor," existential-crisis Murray, but loveable, funny early Murray. Why? Because in his prime, Bill was the Patron Saint of Misfit Losers. And what describes the Raiders best but as a bunch of misfit losers. No, not because they lose, but because in a lot of ways, they're all castoffs from other teams. But just look at Bill's track record: as leader, he lead his teams to upset victories against Camp Mohawk, the Czech army, and Gozer the Destructor. Talk about inspirational, his "It just doesn't matter speech" and his "We're Americans" speeches would make Vince Lombardi cry and as a talent evaluator he managed to get the best out of such unlike people as Rudy and Dewey Oxburger. And you think Michael Vick is tough? Murray helped take down the Stay Puft Marshmallow man.
Negatives: New persona might make us think that Murray would spend all of his time as coach soaking in a pool in a state of melancholy mid-life crisis stupor, pondering the missed chances of his life and mooning over a younger woman. We don't see Bill Belichik doing that.