SFist Watches: The Superbowl Commercials

Instead of sex we got a lot of commercials featuring people running around and smashing into things. All kinds of guys will apparently drop everything to chase a giant can of Full Throttle energy drink down the street, because Full Throttle is for men. Men who like the taste of ass. One of the seemingly endless Bud Light supply of spots was about an office full of people trashing the place in search of some hidden bottle of beer. Mobile ESPN included an endless stream of athletes running around the streets and crashing through walls, and Michelob's Ultra Amber ad included a violent game of touch football. The only amusing ad in the "crash and crunch" category was the "Sprint phone with crime deterrent" spot in which the crime deterrent turns out to be merely throwing the phone at someone's face. (Although it would have been funnier if the crime deterrent was kicking someone in the balls while talking on the phone. But we guess groin kicking is out this year.) All we could really think while watching all these folks slamming into each other was: are these people sexually repressed, or what?

On the celebrity front, Diddy was around again with a Diet Pepsi spot that was painfully lame, but not as lame as the Jackie Chan version. (Oh Jackie Chan, how we once loved you so.) Leonard Nimoy apparently can't make the vulcan greeting without popping a few Aleve first. That Sierra Mist commercial featuring Jim Gaffigan, Kathy Griffin, and Michael Ian Black should have been a lot funnier. Macguyver pimping for MasterCard? That's far from priceless. Oh, and that Dr. Seuss inspired Superbowl opening featuring Harrison Ford and Harrison Ford's earring? Just...no.

As for the ads that were actually entertaining, much like last year the big winner was FedEx, with their creationist-friendly neanderthals and dinosaurs facing the challenges of shipping without FedEx. Also: Ameriquest with their "Don't judge too quickly" spots. CareerBuilder.com was back with their office full of chimps (and a few jackasses). We'll also include the giant-monsters-in-love spot for the Hummer H3 (with a soundtrack by Everything But the Girl!) in the winner's circle even though we really wish it was an ad for a hybrid car instead. (Speaking of which, why do the hybrid ads have to be so lame? Maybe if they had giant robots promoting some hybrid cars, they'd start selling--and making--more of them. The hippy drippy stuff ain't cutting it..Sorry Kermit.)

As for the entertainment centered ads, there were a lot of movies being hawked, but we'll admit to only being excited about one of them: Mission: Impossible 3. Sure, Tom Cruise is in it, but the bad guy is Phillip Seymour Hoffman! And it's directed by JJ Abrams! We're so there. On the TV front, we're already tired of "Sons and Daughters," and more than a little annoyed by its resemblance to "Arrested Development." And hey! It's The Evidence! That other new-crime-show-set-in-San Francisco! Looks like it's actually going too make it to the air in March. We can't wait to take in the beautiful local Canadian scenery! And last but not least, "Might as well face it, you're addicted to Lost"? Robert Palmer is rolling in his grave.

Watching this year's batch of crappy commericals just makes us wonder, were Superbowl commercials ever good? Are we just remembering the handful that were truly inspired, and forgetting that they've always been, mainly, nothing but lame commercials?

Superbowl XLI? You're on notice.

You can watch all the commercials at IFILM.