Last week's winner, the San Jose Metro. Phil Angelides made all his money in real estate. The Merc News gets in a screamy match with Baron Davis of the GSWarriors -- literally! Yay. Cover article: Muslim comedians (including this guy). Cirque du Soleil goes South Bay. Picture of Gillian Anderson looking like Madonna. And Straight Dope: can moms really lift cars off their children? Maybe.

Next up, the SF Weekly. The editor's note re Harmon Leon that we've discussed at great length below. Matt Smith says Daly needs to help tenants less. Apologist on those wild parrots. We love you, Apologist! Answer c) on Gavin Newsom intervening on the parrot thing: "Crisis narrowly averted. Now about that murder rate..." Cover article: Kamala Harris doesn't bring murder cases because she's afraid she'll lose. Bet Kamala would save the parrots, though! Meredith Brody and Ced, two great tastes. New Year's Resolutions pullout (excuse to run ads for the gym). Songs for 2006 by OK Then (indie) and the Dustbin (hip hop). And SFist Eve's horoscope: be beautiful like Mount Tam.

The Bay Guardian and the East Bay Express, after the jump.

The SFBG: Weird to see on the cover the Gossip right up next to Tim Redmond on the death penalty! SF schools -- why we gotta hate? Also, keep Redmond's school open. And in counterpoint to Matt Smith, the Guardian takes the position that Daly needs to help tenants more. Make up your minds, people! Woman dies in homeless shelter. Male synchronized swimming team! They swim to Another One Bites The Dust! Cover article, and many others: The Gossip -- will they finally make it big (take 3)? Did the Gossip buy out this issue of the Guardian?

And the EBX: Dream cartoonist accidentally goes to the prom with Hitler. Dude, that is deep. Bottom Feeder's on the airplane security watch list!! So exciting! Cover article: fasting for health. Another resolutions guide, but this one has listings for East Bay 12-step programs. Sex Addicts who want to give it up for a higher power, meetings on Tuesdays at the Walnut Creek Kaiser. Cupcakery reviews! Why don't we have more cupcakeries in SF? Having no fun on a party bus -- hilarious! And Savage Love: person illegally taping men farting. There's five words one doesn't often seen strung together.

And the Weekly of the Week? Well, we couldn't really get through that fasting article (we're more on the cupcakery side of things around here), but let's hear it for the East Bay Express! Whoo! Rachel Swan's pain on the party bus is your gain! (That Weekly article about the murder rates is pretty good too, though.)