The Warriors: Making a list, and checking it twice
We were taking down the Festivus Pole last night and dejectedly wondering to whom we could regift the Big Mouth Billy Bass singing fish contraption that weird Uncle Mannie gave us this year, when it occurred to us that it might be interesting to look at how the War-toes fared this holiday season.
The War-holios' 2005 Chriskwannakkah Wish List
A winning record.
It's just what they always wanted! You have to include one "big" present on any wish list and this was by far the Wang-Chungs' number-one desire this holiday season. Despite a 6-8 record for December that included a five-game losing streak, the War-flowers are heading into 2006 two games over .500. Sure, now that they've hit this benchmark we'd all like their record to be better, but how many holiday seasons in a row have we all been willing to give our right Furbies just to be within caroling distance of .500? Exactly.
A power forward with post-up skills.
Some assembly required. Troy Murphy has the size and the stats to fill this bill, but we all know he isn't the answer. Yet, just like that cheap acrylic sweater from Mervyn's that our mom gave us, the War-lumps feel compelled to keep wearing Murph instead of the bitchin' cashmere v-neck they picked up in this year's draft. It's no secret, we like Ike. Until recently Monty has been reluctant to unleash the beast, but clearly he is the future at power forward.
Jessica Alba takes in a Warriors game. Sadly, in New York.
SFist Truthmaker, contributing
Team character and heart.
They got the batteries, but somebody forgot to wrap the toy. In the dark years (1995-2004), the War-wilts could be counted on to cave like a West Virginia coal mine (oh, too raw for you? How about like a California hillside? Is that any easier on your comic sensibilities?) any time the going got tough. They have desperately needed somebody on the court with the sack and the will to take a few licks and keep on ticking. Enter Baron Davis. This year he has proven that he has both the ability and the court presence to make this team believe that it can compete. His skills are significant, and without him, the War-slides recent five-game losing streak could very likely have been the all-to-familiar beginning of an early end to yet another season. Now if the rest of the team would just step up and take some of the pressure off of him, we might have something.
A winning road record or at least one winning road trip
Last year's squad started out 3-20 on the road and this year's team is already 8-8, so we can tentatively cross this one of the list.Tuesday's loss to the Memphis Drizzlies prevented the War-wacks from recording their first 3-0 road swing since 1992, but it did nothing to dampen a very impressive 2-1 trip that included clutch wins against the first-place Dallas Salvericks and the enigmatic Houston Rockets.
Beat the God-damn freakin' Lakers
The NBA schedule makers didn't get this gift in the mail in time for the holidays. The War-wants don't play the hated L.A. Fakers for the first time this year until January 14th, but they have spent the majority of the season looking down on them in the Pacific Division standings. Hey, after so many years as the Lakers' piss boys, we'll take anything we can get, but don't hold your breath.
Front-office vision
Eh, not so much. Long-term, overpaid, undeserving deals for Mike Dunleavy and Adonal Foyle have made these dogs almost untradeable and saddled the War-wags with sub-parity for years to come. And recent ill-advised dalliances into the Ron Artest market have left the team distracted and uncertain, as evidenced by Thursday's pitiful showing at home against a vastly undermanned Pacers squad. As we have mentioned before, there appears to be no clearly defined long-term goals for this team beyond a desperate hope to just make the playoffs sometime in the future, and there hasn't even really been an articulated blueprint from Chris Mullin and Rod Higgins as to how they intend to build a perennial winner. Maybe the War-slides should add a new VP and/or a new GM to next year's wish list.
Defensive toughness
Does anybody on the team have a birthday coming up soon, because we're still waiting. The holiday season has come and gone and the War-blers still don't have anybody that can consistently put the clamps on the opposition's top scorers. Far too many times this year, including Tuesday's loss to Memphis, the War-adors have given up more than 60 points in the first half. Without a stopper, B-Diddy and J-Rich have to expend far too much energy guarding the opponent's best players, and this leaves them susceptible to fatigue late in the game. Yeah, B-Diddy, J-Rich, and T-Murph can s-core, but serving up 60-points halves is not the recipe for success in the contemporary NBA. Maybe the War-warps should have put a worm hole back to the ABA on their wish list instead of this one.
Sadly, we did not get all the gifts we really wanted this year, and unfortunately for the War-drums, it looks like we weren't alone.