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SFist Interviews: John Ortved, Author of The Simpsons: An Uncensored, Unauthorized History
Okay, folks. Here's what we're facing: in the December issue of "Faith: The Bay Area Catholic Newsletter," the editor writes that "if it should be the case that homosexual desires are related to DNA, are we to say that anal and oral intercourse (which are really what homosexuality is all about) are natural, normal, and good?"
Jeeeeeeesus. Yes. That's right. Anal and oral intercourse are "really what homosexuality is all about." That's why thousands of gay couples lined up outside city hall, and that's why young kids struggle to come out of the closet, and that's why gays are seeking adoption rights and inheritance rights and health care rights and immigration rights, and that's why gay couples form and remain together for decades: so that they can invade each other's hindquarters and lap hungrily at genitals. The joke's on them, of course; not to spread rumors, but last we heard, straight people are capable of f**king and sucking with the best of them.
It's difficult for us to say this, but let's set aside the jokes about buggery for a moment. We've got a serious problem here: there are people, even here in gaygaygay San Francisco, who really believe that being a homogay is all about devious sex. These people vote; they blog; write letters to editors; they're our neighbors and coworkers and family and what the hell are we supposed to do to help them realize that maybe, just maybe, they've misjudged the homogays? We're at a loss, honestly.
After the jump: no more creepy non-Catholic foreigners! And don't forget about the big pro-life parade happening later this month down by the Embarcadero.
On the back page of every issue of "Faith" is an ad for Sienna Communications, a telecom company that distinguishes itself by wrinkling its nose at gays, abortion, and pornography; evidently, those are the three main threats to modern-day Catholicism. Its most recent ad exults: "Live Catholic representatives. No offshore customer service." Whew! We were beginning to worry we'd have to talk to one of those godless Hindus.
The rest of the news is pretty standard stuff: abortion is bad; the death penalty is bad; urban sprawl may somehow cost Catholics their homes; we must defend the Earth's ecology because God has given us dominion over it; stem cell research violates the law; witchcraft is creepy; we must guard against our children being indoctrinated into Islam; preschool is good; Mount Diablo will not have its name changed, despite protests; The Academy of Art University is guilty of sacrilege. Wait, what was that last one?
Apparantly the academy/university has purchased St. Brigid's, a church on Van Ness that's been disused for about a decade. The school plans to use it for community events, and to rent out access to a gym in the basement, but former parishioners are pissed. They'd like to see it drafted back into service as a place of worship, though it's already been declared a national historic landmark (it survived the 1906 semiggedon) and is facing a $7 million upgrade. Frankly, we're relieved that the uproar isn't coming from students, chagrinned by their school laying out all that money to buy a church. (Disclosure: SFist_Matt does freelance tech support for the Academy.)
And last but not least: The Walk for Life is billed as an opportunity to "show support for everyone hurt by abortion." Do they mean physically hurt? Because that group would be a lot larger if abortions were still being done in back alleys. We're just saying. Anyway, the walk starts at 11 a.m. on January 21 (Saturday) and if last year's walk is any indication, you can expect a startlingly large crowd. Wear comfy shoes!
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Dear Matt: This story's outrageous. I think it's time for the two of us to haul a banner up in front of St. Mary's some Sunday morning saying, "Get your noses out of our sex lives and your dicks out of our children." It's time to use some public shame on these insane hypocrites.
well that might be a good way to make them feel bad, or to alienate ourselves from them even further. the trick is not showing them THAT we disagree, but WHY we disagree, and that's what i can't figure out how to do.