And Now For Some Wet Hot Juicy Religion
It was almost a year ago that someone put our names on the mailing list of "Faith: The Bay Area's Lay Catholic Newsletter," and it's been an eye-opening couple of months. For example, who knew that local conservatives feel that their arguments against gay marriage are "too religious," an interesting criticism for a Catholic newsletter to raise, and that they haven't provided enough "secular reasons for opposing homosexual unions." Good luck thinking of any. The prevailing attitude in "Faith" surprised us -- they seem to feel that the purpose of marriage is "procreation and education" and that homospouses are mere "help-mates" to each other, capable of neither. What a fascinating position. Fascinating and retarded.
Also in lay-news: A fragment of the skull of Saint Anne (who may or may not have been Jesus' Grandma) recently came to rest at a church in Roseville. From there, it'll hopefully find its way into the Governor -- it's the last piece he needs before being reanimated amidst a feindish late-night lightning storm.
In other news, the paper takes a dim view of Fresno's efforts to curtail bullying; noting that a new anti-bullying policy includes homosexual folks, "Faith" asks, "why not bestial-sexual?" Um, okay, if you insist; but technically, we think that gender and species are two different categories -- but perhaps "Faith" has access to research, studies, or lusts that we do not. Anyway, kudos to "Faith" for implying that bullying is an appropriate response to bestiality. Elsewhere, the paper engages in a little bullying of its own by pretending not to know whether FTMs should be addressed as "he" or "she," which is just like those hipster doofuses who want you to notice how unobservant they are by pretending not to know that Jesus-pronouns get capitalized.
More good news: Wal-Mart would like very much to consume Elk Grove with a new supercenter. What does that have to do with Catholicism? Also, two separate ads -- one for Jesus and the other for telecom company -- want your help to resist the homosexual agenda. The main difference between the two appeals is that telecom company's ad is about four times the size of Jesus'. And don't forget to vote yes on 73, except, whoops, too late, it lost by a landslide. Oh well. See you next month, churchy! Until then, don't forget to have faith and be a good lay.