Hope y'all had a Merry Fitzmas.

-After the umpteenth and fifth non-sell-out, the Oakland Raiders "brain-trust" have started to think that maybe all their ticket trouble could have something to do with the fact that a lot of people are kind of afraid about going to Raiders games. After all, Raiders fans have a reputation for being a little on the dangerous side. Some would even say drunken hooligans who like to beat the crap out of people when not stabbing them. We personally wouldn't know ourselves as most of our friends are too scared to go a game with us. So the Raiders are actually boosting security and are going to make an effort to try and attract non-thugs to games. And we know what you're saying-- a team that takes its image from the Hells Angels, has a pirate as its mascot, made tons of money for the NFL by being the de regieur fashion accessory of gangsta rappers, and is owned by somebody who who still dresses like an extra from The Wild One might attract a bad element? We're shocked. Believe it or not, it's not the Black Hole crowd that is the concern, even though they all dress like something out of The Road Warrior. Which we knew when saw Oakland Raider Parking Lot. It's the non-scary looking fans who are the problem.

-Thanks to the Homeland Security Department, our tax money is finally going to go to a place where it's needed-- the Fairfield Fire department. Last week, the Department gave the Fairfield Fire Department a grant of over $115,000 for exercise equipment and a nutrionist so they can have buff fire fighters. In celebration, Congresswoman Ellen Tauscher issued a press release saying how great it is that federal dollars are coming to Fairfield to help fight terrorism. After all, Fairfield recently moved up to #447,893 on the potential terrorism target list, right behind Puaxatawney Pa (evildoers hate groundhogs). We feel safer already.

Image of SFist hero Steve Perry celebrating with the White Sox from the Chicago Tribune