We could easily keep our eyes off the July issue of GQ. Sure, there was Jessica Simpson on the cover, but her titties and teeth and perkiness are all so fake, we are strangely unappetized by her. We only mention her so those who ogle on google will find us. On the other hand, at the bottom right of GQ’s cover, there was a more salivating little item, which Sarah, who lives the delicious life in Los Angeles, noticed for us: Cheezboiger! Cheezboiger! In Search of the Greatest Hamburger in the nation. The best burger in the US, we’re all for it. As Sarah -a poet- would say: if you want some easy fun, grab a bun.

She kindly pre-digested the list for us, so we don’t have to actually purchase GQ and the NYTimes to hide Jessica's skin in the fold. Here it is:...

Picture above courtesy of Sarah

1 Sirloin Burger, Le Tub, Hollywood, Florida
2 Luger Burger, Peter Luger Steakhouse, Brooklyn, New York
3 Not Just a Burger, Spiced Pear Restaurant, Chanler Hotel, Newport, Rhode Island
4 Rouge Bruger, Rouge, Philadelphia Pennsylvania
5 Kobe Sliders, Barclay Prime, Philadelphia, Pennsylvania
6 California Burger, Houston’s, Santa Monica, California
7 Buckhorn Burger, Buckhorn, San Antonion, New Mexico
8 Hamburger, Miller’s Bar, Dearborn, Michigan
9 Cheeseburger, Burger Joint, Le Parker Meridien Hotel, New York City, New York
10 Number Five, Keller’s Drive-in, Dallas, Texas
11 Grilled Bistro Burger, Bistro Don Giovanni, Napa, California
12 Hamburger, Bobcat Bite, Santa Fe, New Mexico
13 Cheeseburger, Whita Manna, Hackensack, New Jersey
14 Hamburger, J.G. Melon, New York City, New York
15 Build Your Own Burger, The Counter, Santa Monica, California
16 Hamburger and Fries, Burger Joint, San Francisco, California
17 Double Bacon Deluxe with Cheese, Red Mill Burgers, Seattle, Washington
18 Hamburger, Poag Mahone’s Carvery and Alehouse, Chicago, Illinois
19 Our Famous Burger, Sidetrack Bar and Grill, Ypsilanti, Michigan
20 Hamburger Sandwich, Louis’ Lunch, New Haven Connecticut

It is very blue state slate for a red steak, with the lone representative of the lone star at #10. But what shocked us was that San Francisco could score only one good burger -at number 16!- when Santa Monica has two, New-York City three, or Philly has two in the top 5. And #6 in L.A. is a chain, Houston's, whose outlet right here on the embarcadero, we hear about all the time on the music calendar at KCSM Jazz 91 and it does too serve the so-called California burger. Are we less California than L.A.? San Francisco be snubbed.

Who is SF’s entry? Burger Joint. It is easy to dismiss GQ. This month’s issue has Tom Brady on the cover with the caption "The Best Ever," a rather ludicrous claim to make for any QB not named Joe Montana. Nonetheless, we have not been to BJ (oh boy is this post going to score some google hits) yet, so this is as good an excuse as any.

We had a plain hamburger, rare, served on a firm wonderbreadish slightly toasted bun, with the basic trimmings: red onion, one lettuce leaf, a slice of tomato, pickles and a stroke of mayo. The half-pound patty comes from Niman Ranch, and it is fat enough so that a nice juicy drizzle trickled down our chin, but lean enough so that we still enjoyed the meat. We had to give it to GQ: it was a good burger.

We don't know about being 16th in the nation, but it would squeeze in our personal San Francisco top 3, along with Rosamunde’s Tuesday burger ($5.50 for just the burger, and only during lunch) or with Maverick’s version, with those delicious grilled onions. But for $6.95 with a side of homey thick cut French fries, in a friendly setting and a few convenient locations, it will be on our list.

Burger Joint
807 Valencia St, between 19th and 20th St.
824-3494
Daily 11:00 a.m. - 11:00 p.m.
Cash only

Another location in SFO