We Read The Weeklies
Last week's winner, the Guardian: Cover articles: SF school superintendant Arlene Ackerman haaaaaaates the Guardian. Okay, we've now read too much about the school board, we had a nightmare about Ackerman and members of the Green Party chasing us around and around in a circle last night. Bill Graham Presents is working exclusively with the Weekly, grr! Hey, we actually went to one of the events listed in "The Mix," that little box of things that the cooler-than-you-are SFBGers went to last week. We're sure this is completely mortifying, like when the cool kids would go to the Esprit store in high school, only to find that group of math club nerdgirls already there. Tura Satana nee Yamaguchi! Miranda July! And Norwegian Annie, loved by Pitchfork!
Next up, the EBX: The EBX brags up all the awards it won. The SF Hooters is now boycotting the SF Weekly because the EBX ran a I Like Eating cartoon making fun of their bad food! (The Weekly and the EBX are both owned by New Times Media.) More horse coverage. Cover article: everyone gets along in Newark, CA. The Hootersly-banned I Like Eating dines at the 7-11. Miranda July! But no Annie. And Savage Love: eeps, more tips on rectal tampons!
After the jump, the triumphant return of the Metro and the Weekly.
The extreeeemely bulky SF Weekly: Oh, award-winning Matt Smith, we're sorry we ever doubted you! Matt and Social Grace team up to answer your Miss Manners questions about foul language before the Board of Supes!!! Are you an apologist for pit bulls? Is the SF Weekly an apologist for Badlands? A smuttily furtive and oddly obsessive love letter to driving in San Francisco -- it's awesome, like crazy overly-specific porn is awesome ("it's a story about a man being crushed under the foot of a same-sex robot!"). Summer in the City guide (sponsored by Bill Graham Presents. That noise you hear in the background is the SFBG, shaking its fist.) Cover article: podcasting. Miranda July! And Annie!
And welcome back the Metro! SJ Mayor Ron Gonzales Garbagegate! The new SJ Merc blows. Cover article: the governor attempting to boost his ratings at the expense of Hispanics. Fret not, the obligatory (yet completely appropriate) hasta la vista joke is in fact made. Turkish food in Santana Row. Latin Alternative band Cafe Tacuba. Secret Asian Man on the forced deportation of Mexicans in the 1930s. Man. Um.... Miranda July! And the Straight Dope: toothpaste.
Pick of the Week: Man, this is a tough one, they're all worth a flip-through. We'll probably end up going with the Weekly, if only because we're still unsettled by the image of a huge fanged Arlene Ackerman chasing us down a long hallway with Green Party members in tow, out to kill us. (We're totally submitting that dream to Slow Wave.) Thanks a lot, Tali Woodward! But -- awwwww, look at adorable I Like Eating in his tux at the 7-11! It's a tough call. You don't want this job, man.