Sometimes, what we want is a damn cheeseburger. We want it medium well (too much pinkness grosses us out), we want it on a good bun, and we want it topped with lots o' melty cheddar, healthy tomatoes, crisp red onion, a good glop of mayo, and nothing else. We think Bistro Burger is fine, we adore Burger Joint when we can get it, and we think Perry's makes a splendid one (though their poppyseed bun makes our vestigial Junior-High Brain worry we've got poppyseeded teeth after eating it) — but those establishments don't have outposts down on the coastside. So to get our damn cheeseburger, we like to hit a weird little joint in Pacifica's Rockaway Beach area called Rock'n Rob's.

SFist Lydia, contributing

Rob's is a Diner (that's diner with a capital "D") of the type that looks like it might have been decorated by space aliens studying 50's pop culture, only they were studying it in the 80's in a mall in the Midwest or something. And these aliens definitely took notes in the non-"naughty" section of Spencer's and also the Deck the Walls store next to the Claire's. There's all this midcentury Coca-Cola paraphernalia (but the place is a Pepsi-only shop, go figger), and the usual fetishized tailfinned American automobilia, plus a whoooole lotta Marilyn, mostly artists' renderings — an elaborate pencil-drawn poster of MM riding b***h on James Dean's motorcycle; an anachronistically six-packed and hookerish Marilyn hanging out at a diner with her good buddies James Dean, Elvis, Bogey, and Marlon Brando — and of course photos, the same six or eight images of Young Marilyn that you've seen eight hundred mobillion times in your life.

However, the kitsch is kind of endearing (if a little bit Stephen King/"You Know They've Got a Hell of a Band"), the booths nice and comfy, the space sunny and airy, and the food — genuine top-shelf diner-y goodness. Rob's menu runs heavily to burgers & sandwiches — as opposed to blue plate specials and whatnot — and non-meat-eaters, take note: there's a very non-'50s vegetarian section, featuring items like Boca Burgers ($6.75) and the soy "Vegetarian Rock-A-Dog" ($4.99), plus a decent salad selection (mostly in the $8 range).

On a recent visit, our dining companion chose the turkey burger ($6.25) from the "Poultry on a Bun" section, which came with good crisp fries, and a strawberry milkshake ($3.75) made with Dreyer's ice cream. Rob's does the thing where they fill up a milkshake glass and top it with whipped cream and a cherry, and then give you the rest of the shake in a metal blender cup, so it's like two shakes in one — aww, yeah! Our dining companion had quite a job trying to keep our greedy hands away from that extra shake portion, we tell you whut.

We said already how we wanted a damn cheeseburger, so that is what we got ($5.99). Well, that and some onion rings ($1.75) instead of fries, because we are hooors for onion rings this kickass. Crispy, crunchy, lots of batter, and greasy enough to hold all the salt we shake on 'em — a perfect accompaniment to the expertly-fried cheeseburger, with its lightly grilled bun, excellent tomato and red onion, and exactly-right amount of mayo. And because why not, when you're in it this deep already, we topped it all off with a root beer float ($3.25) — aaahhh, good times.

Diners are inherently local joints, so the one in your 'hood might be just as good as this one, but if you're heading down to the beach, fueling up to toss some stones at Sea Bowl, planning on hiking the coastside (i.e. going to the top of a cliff to burn one) or just passing through (like Humbert and Lo, at the table next to us on this visit), Rock'n Rob's is a great stop in the neighborhood.

The particulars:

Mon. – Sat. 11:30 – 8:30
Sun. 11:30 – 8:00
Closed Tues.