SFIFF: Life in a Box World Premiere
It's long been our experience that when a significant other says, "I think we should have an open relationship," what they really mean is, "let's ensure that our impending breakup is painful and prolonged." And if there's a lesson to be learned from Life in a Box, a brand-new documentary about a gay country/folk duo called "Y'all," it's that painful, prolonged breakups make for good watching, and, unexpectedly, can ultimately be uplifting. The documentary screens again on Thursday at 8pm at the Kabuki, and its three stars will be present for Q & A; we heartily encourage attendance.
Started by real-life couple Steven Cheslik-DeMeyer and Jay Byrd in 1992, Y'all performed bright, smart folksy-country music, the sort of thing you'd smile along to on Prairie Home Companion. In 2000, they hit the road in a cozy, homey travel-trailer, happily camping out and playing gigs all over the country. For its first 20 minutes or so, Life in a Box is a comfortable road-trip documentary about a cute couple that's courting fame and is seriously in love. Then suddenly it becomes the story of a love triangle that is at times blissful, and at times scary and volatile.
Sex is complicated, so who knows why Y'all's relationship started suffering -- maybe it was the strain of constant travel, or because their dream of hosting a TV variety show failed to materialize. But after not much time on the road, Jay and Steven were starting to stress each other out. That's when they played a gig near Joshua Tree, and met a guy named Roger and his dog, Knaven. Roger's deal is a little unclear; in general, his modus operandi seems to be wandering around the countryside, being crafty, sporting lengthy facial hair, doing yoga, contemplating things -- basically, he's a professional Californian. Jay and Steven are totally smitten with Roger, and soon they're a threesome. (We were greatly relieved that Roger is not, at any point, referred to as a "secondary," a condescending term that sets our teeth on edge, used by many polyamorous couples. Long-term communal relationships are confusing enough to navigate without creating arbitrary hierarchies of importance. Feh! But we digress.)
For a bit, the three boys are happy as a family of clams; Jay and Steven perform, and Roger heads up the domestic front. But it doesn't last forever. Roger confesses nervousness about this, the longest relationship he's ever been in; Steven feels left out sometimes; Jay maintains a cheerful mood that is at times naive and impractical. Polyamory is awfully fun when it works -- what could be better than having extra people who love you around? -- but, as the boys discover, it also creates a heap of problems that aren't easy to solve. It's clear that all three of them are headed for a very rough patch that will, eventually, result in a huge amount of personally growth, but also an even huger amount of pain.
Some of the most riveting parts of the documentary are hard to watch, and must've been excruciating to live through: it hurts to watch Steven and Jay, who'd only a few minutes earlier been singing about their love, sniping passive-aggressively at each other about Roger's place in their life. Later, Steven sobs privately to the camera that he doesn't know what to do about everyone's feeling of discontentment -- "I don't want to be sad," he cries, and your heart just utterly breaks for him. Relationships, Life in a Box shows us, are already laden with drama; and to deal with the drama of an added member, one has to develop superhuman drama-resisting powers. When they're just starting out, none of the boys really has a grip on those powers; watching as they gradually learn to be strong and resist drama is what makes Life in a Box so captivating.
The film is showing again on Thursday at the Kabuki at 8pm. Roger, Jay, and Steven will be present for a Q & A, as well as for your rapturous applause.