SFist Rants: Move to the Back of the Bus, Please
SFist has lived in this city a long time and there are some mysteries about this place that we’ll never fathom. Like all the guacamole love. Or what’s up with Dennis Richmond’s eyes and why does he always look stoned? But by far the greatest mystery about this city is this- why can't anybody move to the back of the bus?
Anyone who has ever tread upon MUNI knows what we're talking about. You get on the bus and if it's a crowded one, you instantly run into a wall of people and while you stand there, getting walloped by people's backpacks and breathing in the overly perfumed aroma of the person next to you with whom you are now fairly intimately acquainted with, you look up to see green pastures towards the back of the bus. And as you get smushed and suffocated, you notice that there's enough not only enough room for people to stand comfortably, but for people to do Warrior II pose if they want.
Image from the Crapshoot photo album
Why oh why is this true? Why can't people move to the back of the bus? You would think it would make sense. Who wants to be smushed in and miserable? Wouldn't it make sense to go where there's room, where you can breathe? Isn't that the American ideal, to got to, got to, get us some elbow room? Isn't that what Manifest Destiny is all about? But no. Instead, everyone just kind of stands there helpless, too beaten down to take their fate in their hands and spread out. And just try and be the one to take it upon yourself to move past all the huddled masses yearning to breathe free and go to the back of the bus. Oh, the look's you’ll receive as you squeeze on through, dodging purses and backpacks, muttering "excuse me, excuse me" the whole way through. People give you that "whatever, dude" look just for wanting to get oxygen.
And it’s not just with MUNI either. The same could be said for the trains, both the MUNI lines and BART. Wait for the N around 5 or 6 in the afternoon and you’ll see people squeezed up against the glass of the doors while the people in the middle of the train stroll leisurely back and forth like animals grazing in a safari. It’s almost worse on the trains because all the empty space in the middle portions act as a temptation, a Siren lure you into thinking that there’s space. So you hop on board, only to get packed like sardines in a crushed tin box.
So please people, move to the back of the bus. You might even like it there. And if somebody with a determined yet irritated face asks you to please move, please move. Or at least give them a little room so they don't have to bend like a Romanian Gymnast in order to pass by. It may not make MUNI the nicest ride, but it'll make it nicer.