You see, America? You see what you get when you complain about a little boob action? You get the most boring halftime show imaginable featuring a snooze-inducing performance by Paul McCartney, AKA The Boring Beatle. And you get commercials that make you wish you'd actually watched the game instead.
Yes, while most were paying attention to the game, SFist was fast-forwarding through the action, thanks to our boyfriend TiVo, and was JUST watching the two-million dollar (each! At least!) Superbowl ads. Can't tell you who won the game, but we can tell you that we lost a good hour-and-a-half of our life watching a mostly lackluster collection of commercials. And we'd like to lose a few more minutes talking about them, after the jump.
Image from USA Today.
Indeed, this year's crop was free of flatulating horses, and included only one ad for an erectile dysfunction medication. Not to say that we're complaining. It's just that the crackdown on bad taste meant an increase in boring ads for trucks (we counted seven) and pathetic attempts at humor. (Was that McDonald's "Lincoln Fry" commercial supposed to be funny?) When you're giving viewers over 15 commercials before the first kickoff, we think some of them should be worth our time. In our opinion, the only slightly clever one in that batch was the Fargo-inspired 2005 Mustang convertible spot in which a driver with his top down is found frozen at a stoplight by a North Dakota-accented patrolman. Of course, we got to see that one twice. The second time? Not quite as clever. Also included in the pre-kickoff countdown was the return of the Muppets shilling for Pizza Hut. It was as funny as the product is tasty, which is to say, not. (Unless the idea of dunking your pizza into ranch dressing sounds delicious to you. No judgements!)
Of course we also got our share of ads for upcoming films, including XXX: State of the Union in which Ice Cube replaces Vin Diesel in the role of undercover agent, to the EXTREME! But don't worry. Vin's career is going just great, as he has a movie coming out too...Ummm. On second thought, maybe you should feel a little sorry for him. Constantine, featuring a completely miscast Keanu Reeves, and the Steven Spielberg-Tom Cruise War of the Worlds were also promoted. Regarding the latter, we liked it the first time we saw it, when it was called The War of the Worlds, and hated it the second time we saw it, when it was called Independence Day. Batman Begins looked a little boring, and as for Be Cool, starring John Travolta and Uma Thurman, all we can say is, it was 11 years ago. Move on.
The evening was not free of a few star cameos, including MC Hammer (again!) in an ad for Lay's, and P. Diddy (yawn) in a Pepsi spot amazingly free of a Paris Hilton appearance. Perhaps the biggest star turn was by Brad Pitt. Apparently, now that he's single, all he does is sit at home drinking Heineken --when he's not avoiding the paparazzi while going to the store to buy more Heineken. At least until Angelina Jolie calls and he tells her to come pick him up...OK. We can't prove that was Angelina on the phone. But it seemed pretty obvious to us.
We will admit a few ads did actually make us laugh. Ameriquest's two ads about not making quick judgements were funny, as was one of the Verizon spots, this one featuring a killer snake. But the funniest one of the night was easily the FedEx ad spoofing Super Bowl ads, featuring Burt Reynolds and a groin-kicking bear.
As for the disturbing, you need look no further than that Quizno's spot featuring a talking baby who is apparently dating a grown woman. The implied pedophilia is not nearly as disturbing as the crappy CGI used to make the baby talk. It will haunt our dreams. But the capper, appropriately aired after the game was over, was the Carl's Jr. ad in which a scantily clad woman rides a mechanical bull while eating a dripping burger. We kept waiting for the ironic ending, but nope. It's just sex and food, right in your face. God bless America. And speaking of America, Anheuser-Busch would like to thank the men and women returning from duty in Iraq, and remind them to start drinking. Heavily.
To see all the ads aired last night, as well as those that were banned, check out IFILM.
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What, no love for the Monster.com ads with the monkeys? "Respectfully sir, I don't think we should name the product 'Titanic.'" It's funny because it's true!
No love simply because they involved chimps, and not monkeys. If they had involved monkeys, I would have been all over them. Monkeys = funny. Chimps = creepy.
Also, they were for Careerbuilder.com, in case anyone wants to check them out on IFILM.
And Verizon also featured an ad full of chimps. Which leads me to ask, where's the love for the monkeys people!
This is why Rain is the staff TV critic, and I'm the staff drunk.
I'll gladly switch roles from time-to-time!
That Carl's Jr. ad is very old.
Yeah, the baby CGI was really bad. Reminded me of Forrest Gump's lip animation. If they were gonna do crappy animation, they should've stuck with the Sponge Monkeys.
Yeah, the FedEx commercial was the best, especially since it was so early and thus you could see exactly what they were talking about.
I fast-forwarded through the halftime show, as I do every year -- although I rewound to it last year after I heard about the hubbub. :)
I figured the Carl's Jr ad probably couldn't be concidered a "Superbowl ad" since it came on after the whole thing was over--but I hadn't seen it before. I thought it bore mentioning as proof that the entire evening was not completly free of overtly sexual images. And it was certainly more salacious than the "GoDaddy.com" ad.
worst commericals ever. what they lacked in excessive commericals about penile dysfunction (and footballs being thrown through tires) they more than made up for in big honkin' pick-up trucks, and cars being shot through tunnels (i was actually thinking of that one family guy episode where peter buys the new car and goes in and out of the tunnel). come to think about it, under 5 seconds is the new one minute man. if you connect the dots. regardless, the super bowl sure has the demographic of "i'm balding and my wife has a flaccid vagina and i want to bang my daugher's friends in the mini-van" down pat. and i suppose while all that, they need to like haul concrete bricks across the country or whatever.
i'm also wearing my "smokey and the bandit" shirt in honor of the FedEx/Kinko's commerical. i use fedex at work too! and i'm about to use it right now!