Canseco Bashes Bash Brother
As football fades and a weary Bay Area turns to that moment when pitchers and catchers report, yet another reminder of baseball’s little steroid problem bobbed to the surface over the weekend as the publisher for Jose Canceco’s supposed tell-all book leaked some juicy little bits of gossip to the press. Canseco’s book, Juiced: Wild Times, Rampant 'Roids, Smash Hits, and How Baseball Got Big, will be released on February 21, and the bits of gossip were in this Sunday’s New York Daily News. In the book, Canseco claims that he was sort of like the Pied Piper of steroids, turning on all his teammates to the wonders of synthetic drugs; so much so, he was called “the Chemist.” He claims to have personally injected Mark McGwire in the ass in a bathroom stall when both were rookies and sat around another men’s room stall watching McGwire inject steroid poster boy Jason Giambi in the ass another year. Canseco also claims to have introduced steroids to Texas Rangers’ stars Juan Gonzalez, Ivan Rodriguez, and Rafael Palmerio when he was with the Rangers, an act which he claims was well-known by then-Rangers owner George W. Bush. And yes, it’s the same George W. we all know and love as our President. The very same President who famously called for a ban on steroids in a State of the Union speech.
Canseco’s claims have already been vehemently denied by his teammates on the Oakland A’s, including manager Tony LaRussa, pitching star Dave Stewart, and catcher Terry Steinbach. Also denying the charges are McGwire, Palmiero, the Rangers organization, and the White House. In defense of McGwire, LaRussa said that Canseco, who was supposed to be the big hoss of the Bash Brothers and the sure-fire Hall of Famer, is merely dragging McGwire into it out of jealousy because Canseco’s career became synonymous with wasted potential while McGwire’s became synonymous with truth, justice and the American way.
The problem here is that if you’re going to take on the beast, that being baseball, and also the Man Who Saved Baseball, you better have some cred. Jose Canseco, he of the washed-up career and the two-year house arrest, has none. Zero. Zilch. He has, in fact, done nothing but tried to hang onto whatever fame he has over the past few years like some reality show flunkie. On the other hand, everyone knows steroids were all over the place and rumors have followed around the A’s for years. The whole image of the A’s, in fact, was of burly he-men crushing the snot out of the old horsehide. When there’s smoke, there’s fire, and there’s been enough smoke surrounding the A’s over the years to have the San Francisco Board of Supervisors thinking about instituting a ban.
The other juicy bit of gossip concerns the fact that he never actually scored with Madonna but only got to second base. That’s probably gotta hurt just as much as his career screwups. How would you feel knowing that Madonna wouldn’t sleep with you, but did sleep with Dennis Rodman and Vanilla Ice? Ice, ice, baby. Too cold.