Interview: Merkley???
Finally! An interview subject who provides both a use for left over super nachos AND a recipe for tortilla soup. Even after the exhaustive interview process, SFist was left wondering what Merkley has against El Castillito, since we maintain their food is both tasty and a good value. But we digress.
Merkley is an artist who rolls with rock stars of all kinds. In fact, he's part of the creative force known as bing ji ling. Despite his resemblance to another well-known Bay Area dweller, Merkley doesn't rely on his good looks alone. Nope, he's banking on the fact that when -- not if -- Gavin Newsom becomes president, that he can take him. Knowing that you could, if necessary, beat a future leader of the free world in a battle of brawn (if not wits) creates an enormous amount of confidence for Merkley. We'll admit, SFist is a little jealous, we've never been in a fight, but we don't think we could take anyone, let alone MR. GAVIN NEWSOME!! Merkley's got some great stories, so make sure to read the rest of the interview after the jump.
Introduce yourself in one sentence: I may not be god, but at least I'm real -- my name is Merkley???
Age and Occupation: 37, bullshit detector.
Home Town: Mormonland USA -- laugh it up, A-holes. Mormonism ain't genetic; I'm an atheist, get over it. But dude, you have to admit: polygamy is rad.
How long have you lived in the Bay Area and Where? I came here on a family vacation when I was 12 and I knew i wanted to live here -- I think it was something about all the pretty Victorians right up at the edge of the street painted all gay. I finally moved here 7 years ago; I have been in the lower Haight/Alamo Square area since then. This neighborhood kicks ass, although too many people pee in the street and there are some stink pockets floating around right at nose level.
Favorite website: I don't have one in particular, it's more like the entire blogoshpere, i read a wide selection of blogs daily, ranging from conservative blogs like Free Republic and Drudge Report to liberal blogs like Daily Kos and Democratic Underground. I've also been reading blogs from Iraqi citizens -- the range of ideas and opinions instantly available out there is absolutely fascinating. I'm addicted to the debate. Oh yeah, I found this awesome free porn site -- streaming porn, full length, no passwords or hacking required -- how cool is that? But I ain't telling y'all -- MY BANDWIDTH! Mine.
One more: my friend Maddox is funny.
Favorite local business: Here are a few: X21 Modern, 111 Minna, but mostly, SF has some really great garage/sidewalk/crack sales.
What I’m currently reading: The entire Internet -- I'm almost done.
Best Deal in San Francisco: Hands down, super nachos at El Castillito -- that heavenly food never fails to fill my stomach and heart with amounts of delight and joy so great that it makes me want to cry. Hold on...give me a minute...sniff. Wow, I just got chills.
Favorite mode of transportation: Bing Ji Ling's silver 1979 Lincoln Continental Mark V. He insists on driving -- what, I'm gonna complain? Bitches in back.
Best Band or Musician to come out of the Bay Area: Although it may sound self-serving because I am his producer and most constant collaborator, I have to give that to my best buddy in the world -- Bing Ji Ling. His talent is downright sickening. But there are a lot of great musical things happening here. It's exciting to be a small part of it.
Oh yeah, true story: One time I had a fart that sounded so Miles Davis it scared me -- sweet. I was in San Francisco when it happened. Does my butt count as a band or musician?
Favorite local hangout:111 Minna always feels like home -- but sometimes it feels as though my own house where I actually live is becoming a local hangout. I like hosting friends at my house, just so long as they don't forget to bring booze and a mixer or two. Oh yeah-- oh yeah -- oh yeah -- or cheese. Bring cheese, but please, no farting, just because I had an extremely musical fart once does not mean I like farts, not even talking ones -- go to the bathroom if you need to fart.
Good f'n times at my joint, that's for sure.
SF has the BEST: Mexican food, selection of food, weather, air, architecture, and
geography. Taking a walk in almost any direction from almost any point is sure to yield interest and stimulation on many levels -- though it could stand a little polish here and there. Too many street peeing people, taggers, turds and litterbugs. Come on people, go to the bathroom if you need to pee.
You’ve never lived in SF until: You've run into Kirk Hammet at The Good Guys electronics store on four separate occasions. By the fourth time, he gave me a look like he wanted to say something, at first I thought that he thought I was cool and awesome and rad and familiar, then I realized that he probably thought I worked there. I should have sold him my Palm Pilot. Damn.
But wow, Kirk's hair is soooo fun! I wanted to rub my cheek on the top of his soft wispy head soooo bad.
Favorite Bay Area politician of past or present: I like Gavin Newsom -- the vote I cast for him was one of the proudest votes I ever cast. Although I must admit that when I met him, he
creeped me out -- his handshake lingered.
But here are three reasons why I like him:
1. His hair is plastic. I like Devo.
2. His wife looks sweet in tight pants.
3. He will be the president one day. I'm pretty sure i could kick his ass -- that means i would be better than the President of the United States of America and therefore the most powerful person alive. I can't wait.
But no matter how rich or famous I get, I'm not hanging out with P. Diddy. That's a promise. (SFist editorial note: Yeah right, Merkley, that's what we said UNTIL we walked out of a Prince concert with him, and then we were no better than any other groupie. You try to remain unhypnotized by the size of his diamond studs, his immaculately trimmed facial hair, and the fact that he's really not that tall. THEN you make that claim.)
Best solicitation from a pan handler: There used to be this dude around who always only needed 85 cents for some reason. It was always 85 cents. One day, I beat him to the punch and asked him for 85 cents first, to which he replied: "Get your own rap -- 85 cents is mine." Of course, I then punched him in the neck and took his sandwich out of his pocket. "85 cents THAT -- bootch."
You can tell someone is a local here IF: they are, in fact, any of the following people: Danny Glover, Robin Williams (style biter [more on that later]) , Sharon Stone or William
Burroughs, and if you do see William Burroughs, tell him to get the f*** back in his grave -- zombie.
I forgot to mention: if you punch a beggar in the neck and take his sandwich, ditch it, especially if the mayo has gone clear.
SF would be soooo much better if only: there was more political balance and diversity. SF can be extremely politically intolerant and massively hypocritical. Too much doobie
puffin', arty farty party and drinky drink (¡¡REVOLUCION!!), not enough rational debate.
Oh and hey, Knap McSack, Che Guevara is not a fashion accessory and putting a Hitler mustache on anyone with whom you disagree is only rad because it's such a retarded funny looking mustache, not because "it's totally on point, yo."
Best Burrito: The best burrito is not even a burrito, it is actually a carne asada quesadilla el castillito with extra cilantro. I am right about this. I can prove it. Wow, I totally got chills again.
Best Restaurant: The best restaurant is not even a restaurant, it is a taqueria called El Castillito on Church. So sue me, I f***ing love El Castillito. I would marry El Castillito -- scratch that -- I WILL marry El Castillito Seriously, if we are what we eat, when I die, I should be wrapped in tin foil. If you and I are ever trapped on a snowy mountain, eat my leg. I am sure it tastes like super nachos. Geez, now I'm hungry. I'll be right back.
Best movie scene filmed in or about SF: One time I was walking through a park by my house where they were filming that really really AWESOME Robin Williams movie in which he played a HILARIOUS robot -- for some reason, Robin Williams looked straight at me and gave me the thumbs up. It kinda freaked me out because I don't know him and I was just walking through the park. He couldn't have been looking at anyone else because there was nobody else near me. Anyway, a few days later I saw him on "Letterman" and he was wearing the exact same getup that I was wearing that day in the park. I'm not kidding -- it was the exact same outfit. Robin williams bit my style. How embarrassing.
That's kinda like a scene in a movie, right?
Somebody told me I look like Robin Williams the other day. See? Style-biting hurts everyone.
I want all the SFists out there to know: Three things:
1. You can turn leftover super nachos into an awesome Mexican tortilla soup/stew/dip by just adding a little water and heating it up.
2. That you should visit my website.
3. I am better-looking than Robin Williams.
Tell us a San Francisco story: Hmmm, I already told the Robin "Style-Biter" Willams story, I told the standard balding Kirk Hammett story, the Miles Davis fart story, the neck punch sandwich story... Oh, I got one:
Once upon a time this good looking dude who looks nothing like Robin Williams married a beautiful taqueria named El Castillito (the little castle in American). They lived happily ever after even though;
1. they could not consummate the marriage because of stupid health department regulations that forbid that kind of thing with a restaurant; and
2. the California Supreme Court ruled that our marriage was not valid, even though Gavin Newsom said it was "cool with him."
So hear this, you liberal tree hugging San Franciscans -- you want your gay marriage? Take it --but let me love the way *I* know how to love too -- with extra cilantro, homies.
If I had a picture of the California Supreme Court, I would draw a Hitler mustache on it. That would be HILARIOUS!!
85 cents THAT -- Bootch.
¡¡REVOLUCION!!
The end.
Favorite artist to come out of the Bay Area: Isabel Samaras is always good for a smile. Romanowski created one of my favorite art peices of all time, in which he took busts of the four major composers (Bach, Mozart, etc.) and painted them as KISS. And although he will never fess up to being an artist, John Connedy (co-owner of X21) creates some of the coolest mutations of furniture I have ever seen. He is also my favorite curator of thrift store art (my favorite kind of art).
I have to say that although I have many good friends who are big players in graffiti culture, tagging is just plain wrong. Grow up, people -- get permission or get a canvas.
Where do you tell visitors to the area that they HAVE to see or do? Having said that, Clarion Alley is a destination point and great for tourists to take pictures. I also send people to the fern gardens in GG park. They are beautiful. Also -- duh, I take all my visitors to El Castillito.
Question you'd ask if you were doing this interview: Would you like a $500 gift certificate to El Castillito? To which I would respond, "Why yes, thank you."