Ah, the love of a man for a beautiful woman. Isn't it sweet? Frankly, no, we find the prospect of heterosexual relations completely offensive. We were reminded today (when an inside source leaked to us, a whole day before publish-date, AskMen.com's list of the "Top 99 Most Desirable Women") of our high school's Health Class: We were discussing the injurious effects of gender roles, and the clueless teacher added an additional layer of meaning to the lesson when he randomly called upon us and asked, "...for example, you - what physical characteristics do you consider to be desirable in women?" We replied, "tall, dark, hairy, and hung." It was episodes such as these that caused our move to San Francisco to come as no surprise to anyone.
The women on AskMen.com's tedious list are all extremely thin, coiffed, and wealthy...in other words, probably not you. Big yawn. We'd much rather have seen a list of "Top 99 Women We Desire to Be" - we hereby nominate Olivia N-J, Betty White, Miss Cleo, and Kristen Johnson... but most of all, we long to be as fab as Star Jones. Girlfriend's new husband surely knows what we mean. We ask you, men: anyone else belong on that list?
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You know, I almost took this in order to lobby for us single breeders that enjoy, how shall we say, a little 'junk in the trunk.' We did grow up in the same town as Sir Mix-A-Lot, thank you very much.
But it wouldn't have been as funny as this.
you don't gotta be a breeder to love a junky trunk, my friend... but sadly, in general the gays seem not to have the same healthy respect for a healthy arse. where is OUR Sir Mix-A-Lot? Where is the gay Baby Got Back? Help!
It's probably being ghost-written by Jay Z. Oh, wait, did I just say that?