We Read The Weeklies

...while we wait for the inauguration protests to start!

Last week's winner, the Weekly. Matt Smith: did you know it's illegal for dogs to have sex in public in the City? Cover article: using California state procedural laws to stymie the rights of people molested by priests. Meredith Brody lunches like a lady at the Neiman-Marcus Rotunda. A pullout guide to your New Year's Resolutions -- the usual list: weight loss, playing an instrument, things to do in the city (hey, have you taken one of these nifty cable cars?) and a list of phone numbers for kicking substances. OK Then's list of the next new "hyooj" bands for 2005. Also, OK Then got ticketed on a MUNI even though he had a transfer. Man, what gives with the MUNI cops lately? You should be exempt if you voted for Newsom's tax increases. Not our fault they didn't pass! Savage Love: three-ways, childhood traumas reemerging as sexual fantasies, humping someone's leg, and the word "santorum" wins a linguistic prize for 2004.

The EBX: The dream cartoonist illustrates a dream featuring Donnie Wahlberg as an acting teacher. East Bay versus South Bay in the stem cell wars. Trash in the San Leandro watershed. Cover article: folk singer Dave Dondero at the Golden Gate Fields racetrack. An Alameda winery is moving to Brentwood. A profile of Mike Park's peace-promoting label Asian Man.

The Guardian and the Weekly of the Week after the jump.

The Guardian: Robert Haaland has a guest editorial supporting gay marriage. Political column: moderates organizing an anti-choice march, school board drama. Annalee Newitz slags on Apple for hating on its bloggers. Sex columnist: a comical misunderstanding, "No, I said sit on my face." Cover article: Music 2005. The band So So Many White White Tigers (good name), more lists like their best of 2004s. Events: dress up like a ballerina and throw pies at people for Other Magazine this Friday.

Weekly of the Week: Man, that was dismal. We should have warbussed this entry; at least we would have gotten to see the city. We'll give it to the Guardian, but only because the band name So So Many White White Tigers is awesome. (Also, we do love lists of lists.)