SFist Mary-Lynn Remembers 2004
Invaded Country:
Iraq. I'm not saying that it's going to be another Ira_ country in 2005 but I wouldn't die of shock if we start talking about pre-emptive strikes against nuclear capacities either. Sigh.
Hot (Hiltonian "That's Hot", not climatologically. Because... you know...) Country:
Canada. I hope it remains hot in 2005 because that passport about the only cred I've got these days.
Political Hanger-on/deadweight:
Michael Moore. You want to love him, you really really do. But over the past year he just seemed like sort of a necessary evil on the left. The right has Limbaugh and O'Reilly. I guess we need one, too. But I'd like one that I thought bathed a little more.
Minor International Dispute:
US vs. Korea over the Men's Gymnastics Gold Medal. Based on the ratings I suspect I was the only one watching. And I fell asleep halfway through. Are the Olympics only exciting when you're 8 years old?
Political book (real):
Bill Clinton's My Life. I bought it. I got giggly over seeing Bill again. It's suitably holding down a pile of papers on my desk right now. Should have got the audiobook.
Political book (fake):
The Daily Show's America, the Book. Drawings of naked Supreme Court justices are kind of funny. Who knew?
Political issue destroying the Democratic party:
The Democratic Party. Like, seriously? What the hell are they doing? I was going to say Gay Marriage but, frankly, that's a red herring. It's not really the problem so shut up Gav-haters.
Federal Government Department:
The FCC. Look, I always knew they were evil - I saw "Pump Up the Volume". It's just that now everyone else has caught up.
State to Hate:
Ohio. I know that we're not supposed to be all "Red states suck" and, truthfully, I don't really believe it. But in the end, I stayed up late waiting for Ohio and they let me down.
Weather Phenomenon:
Hurricanes. There were just a ton of them this year, weren't there? Soon they were going to start running out of names.
Radio:
Air America. Maybe it's just that I hate talk radio but... Is this the best we can do? I'll take NPR, thanks.
"Documentary":
Farenheit 9/11. Is this the best we can do? Runner up is Supersize Me, the biggest documentary to tell us absolutely nothing we didn't already know. And, the fries are still tasty.
Inmate:
Martha Stewart. The closer she got to prison, the more she started introducing us to the "(little) people behind the scenes". You mean she didn't do it all herself?!
Dead Guy still making news:
Babe Ruth. I'm happy for Red Sox fans, really. But I think the Babe can rest easier now, knowing his name isn't used as an excuse for complete mismanagement and super sad playing anymore.
Religious Cult:
Kabbalah. I anticipate them fighting it out with Scientology for the souls of Hollywood for a few more years to come. I have no prediction which one realizes for that Hollywood has no souls.
Self-Promoting Blowhard:
Donald Trump. The Apprentice II sucked. The hair is no longer amusing. Be done with you. Oh, but we'll keep "Yooge" because that's still funny.
Fighting:
In basketball. Normally, I'd be looking forward to fighting in hockey but it seems that just won't be happening. So I'll take what I can get.
Sports story:
Steroids in baseball. I find myself just not caring anymore. Now, steroids in track and field, that's interesting.
Skanky Celeb:
Paris Hilton. She may not do another naughty thing in the near future (though, I'm not holding my breath) but she's skanked it up enough this year to give her the title through the rest of the decade.
Number of Times Britney Gets Married:
2. I don't really think that she'll keep up this Mrs. Federline business for all of 2005 either. I just pray we don't end up welcoming Cheeto Bull Federline into the fold.
Skin Color:
Fake tan orange. I'm not sure if there are just different mirrors that these people use, but they look like they've spent zero time in the sun and 100 hours with their head up their ass. I'm hoping for a return of fluroescent-induced pasty as the color of choice for 2005.
Historical Epic:
Troy vs. Alexander. Some of the most interesting times in human history made into some of the dullest, most badly acted movies ever.
Sisters:
Simpsons - Ashlee & Jessica. Sisters, in general, were hot this year. But you could hardly go anywhere without running into the Simpsons. One can (sort of) sing, one can't. One has big boobs, another doesn't. One is skanky, the other isn't. One is dumb, the other... oh.
Series Ending:
Friends. Friends sucked for the past few years, no doubt. But it was a cultural staple for a generation of our own friends.
Fake Newsman:
Jon Stewart. I used to stay up watching Jon Stewart's own late night show years ago so I always knew he was great and happily, now most other people do as well. Still, I can't help being a little sad that fake news is better than the real stuff.
WWJ-LoD:
Get married. Did you miss this? J-Lo got married this year and not to Ben Affleck. Seriously! I was surprised, too. Did she have to give back that huge pink ring?
Word We Never Want to Hear Again:
Carbs. ARGH. Shut up already!
Are they for real or not?
The Darkness, Lindsay Lohan's boobs. Both made us look twice.
Legal Twins:
Olsens. When the Olsen twins turned 18 we had an instant litmus test to find out which of our friends were total pervs.
Reunion:
Pixies. They got back together and didn't totally suck (always a danger). Kickass.
Internet Must-Have:
Blog. The word really is meaningless isn't it? Back in 1996 we called them personal websites. But I guess that wasn't hipster enough.
Electronic Accessory:
iPod mini. The clickwheel, the colours, the mini iPod brings Apple to the masses. Now, just starting buying the computers!
Happy 2005!