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Marry an American promises that “no good American will be left behind”. Apparently they’ve lined up legions of willing, single (and attractive?!) Canadians to save Americans who may now need to flee the country. Our perusal of the site leads us to believe that many of these altruistic Canadians are indeed attractive, but man, they sure look cold in those fur lined jackets.
Willing and saintly Canadians have taken the following pledge:
Should George W. Bush be declared the official winner of the November 2 election and be re-installed as acting President of the United States, I the undersigned, a Canadian citizen, pledge to liberate, through the legal and binding act of marriage, a willing citizen of the United States of America, of a gender of my choosing, and with one or all of the following political leanings:
1. discouraged Democrat,
2. reformed Republican,
3. apolitical with limited world-domination tendencies.
In addition, I promise to help my new Yankee spouse to adapt to life in the great white north, keeping them safe from (gratuitous) invasion of privacy, and to provide him/her with a reasonable supply of Timbits.
Ahhhh!!! We love Canada! Even if they can’t seem to speak properly up there. Sign up before these kindly Kanuks have more propositions than they can handle.
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If you're a reasonably hot, college- or self-educated, left-leaning American with no felony record and your own set of matched silverware, this SFist is willing to marry you and give you the opportunity to embrace the liberal freedoms of the Great White North. Also? We have good donuts.
Yeah, Tim Horton's does kind of rule. I'm not so sure about the coffee, though. Better than that Dunkin' Donuts swill those New Englanders drink, but nothing like a nice Peet's or, even better, Torrefazione. Guess I could always make the trip down to Seattle for beans.
The bacon, though, almost has me convinced. If you'll have me Mary-Lynn, I'm totally interested, although I can gain entry based on my skilled worker status (and rudimentary knowledge of French), so maybe you should pick somebody who's more needy and won't side with the Quebecois.