Staggering Through Fog

A weekly whiskey-stained, slurred-spoken ode to joy upon the bar scene of San Francisco by Andrew Lowder.

Webster's defines 'Swanky' as "Ostentatious and fashionably elegant". Nine nights out of ten, I avoid those concepts like a meet and greet at a leper colony, but every once in awhile, like when those not blessed enough to live here are visiting, you just gotta pull out all the stops and pretend that you live the swanky lifestyle every single day. After all, you don't want your friends returning to Seattle or Des Moines telling everyone that you spend your nights at the Latin American Club drinking out of the rubber mat the bartender makes drinks on (P.S. If you want to order one of those, it's called a Jersey Turnpike). So here's the place to bring the uninitiated. Before too long, you'll have them suckered into thinking you live like this all the time.

Lone Palm, 22nd and Guerrero - This is what should be in the dictionary next to 'Swanky'. Your guests will expect you to take them to some touristy, super clean, TGI-Applebee's with a view, but if you take them here, it will blow them away every time. The great thing about the Palm is that it doesn't feel manufactured at all. It's nothing like the 'we say it's cool so it's cool' places in Los Angeles or New York. It's...just...cool. Dark, classy, hip-but-not-too-hip, a truly unique environment amongst a sea of pretentiousness and places that smell like peanut shells and tinkle. As an added bonus, it also boasts one of the best martinis in town now that Bruno from ZamZams has passed on to the 'closed seating' section of heaven.

So here's to the Lone Palm, and your friends and relatives actually being fooled into thinking you've got class.

Liver...Out!