SFist is the first to admit that we've had a hand in a lot of crappy press releases, but there's something about Godiva's ‘Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner’ Celebrity Charity Auction that really sticks in our craw. Maybe we're the only ones who are annoyed by this - our esteemed sister Gothamist reported on this event last week with no visible vitrol. Here's the deal: Godiva's auctioning off dinners themed to match the flavors in their "limited edition" truffles (people, it's candy they sell in a mall. How "limited" and "edition" can it be?) on eBay. But these aren't just any candy-themed dinners (wasn't that an episode of Iron Chef?), these are dinners prepared by noted chefs and shared with you, seven of your pals, and a celebrity!

The eBay auction is actually a fascinating look at the current market value of certain celebrities. At this writing, New York's dinner prepared by Mario Batali and attended by Sarah Jessica Parker is kicking everyone's ass, including (#2)Ben Affleck/Todd English in Boston, (#3) Ricky Martin/Allen Susser in Miami, (#4) Leonardo DiCaprio/Govind Armstrong in LA, and our own sad, sad #5 - Benjamin Bratt and Talisa Soto, with dinner prepared by Gary Danko.

Well, we can't say we're surprised by the 5th place finish of the team of Bratt and Soto. We're assuming that the motive for bidding on this dinner is not so much to support the very worthy charities all these celebrities have chosen to support, as much as it is to rub elbows with the rich and famous.

And while we can't imagining having to spend an evening with any of these celebrities (whom we are sure are fine and decent people all, but wouldn't it be hard to relax, pig out on fine food, and get smashed with SJP?), we feel especially panicky at the thought of having to make small talk with Benjamin "I used to date Julia" Bratt and Talisa "I was in Mortal Combat not just One but Two, yes, that's right, Two, the one even Christopher Lambert wouldn't be in" Soto.

Once again, we'd like to emphasize that we're completely sincere when we say that we've never heard a bad word about either Bratt or Soto, but we really feel like we have more in common with our FedEx guy who wears a necklace reading "F**k Whitey" than with these folks. With him, we can talk about tape or boxes or Whitey. What would we talk about with these two? Catwoman? Well, we can't, because we had to work the day it was in the theater, and it's not out on DVD yet. So, we're screwed.

The last thing we want to do here at SFist is deny money to groups in need. Well, actually, we have two last things, because we also don't want to piss off celebrities. And, now, look at us go blow it both ways. That said, we find this whole campaign really crass and self-serving. This truffle-themed dinner thing sounds gross, we're so over Gary Danko (look, when Zagat ranks you number one, you know your days of innovative cuisine are through), and we just don't get the idea of spending a zillion dollars to eat with a celebrity (and we use "eat" liberally, because we're not really sure all of them actually do the "eating" thing).

Sure, Godiva had to plug thair latest truffle, though we think they'd do better by just putting them at the point-of-purchase at Macy*s, the way they do with their chocolate bars. And companies (and celebrities) like to both help charities as well as be seen helping charities. Finally, we recognize that gala celebritiy-filled events that cost more to produce and publicize than thay actually end up donating to charities are a time-honored tradition. We know how these things work. But that knowledge won't stop us from calling foul when a campaign seems especially crass, lame, or both.

That said, please check out the charities this event hopes to benefit: Affleck's AT Children's Project, The Ricky Martin Foundation, The Leonardo DiCaprio Foundation, Parker's UNICEF, and Bratt and Soto's Operation Rainbow.