One Ball to Rule Them All and In The Darkness Bind Them

Here’s a total shocker- the man who “caught” Barry Bonds’ home run ball #700, Steve Williams, is now being sued over possession of said ball. Remember in
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory how whenever one of the kids got the Golden Ticket, that creepy Slugworth guy with the scar would quickly grab them and whisper sweet nothings in their ear to tempt them into telling him all of Wonka’s secrets? Why do we have the feeling that something like that totally happens everytime Barry hits one, except with Jacoby and/or Meyers doing the Slugworth thing? Anyways, on Tuesday, Timothy Murphy, filed a restraining order with the State Court of California claiming that Williams “stole” the ball from him. Cause these lawsuits always go well for everyone. In the brief, Murphy’s lawyers state that "immediately after the 700 home run ball fell to the area of plaintiff's feet, plaintiff established possession, dominion and control over the ball by sitting on it and securing it with his right leg." In other words, Murphy sat on the ball, only to have Williams reach under his ass to grab it. For this, Murphy wants Williams to return the ball as well as “punitive damages” incurred by the reaching under of his ass. Williams however has always claimed that he was just wandering back from the bathroom when the ball just innocently rolled his way. Meanwhile Florida digs itself out from yet another hurricane, Iraq grows ever more dangerous, and AIDS continues to ravage Africa.