The Essefficist seeks W4MW

Hmm. The Essefficist himself (ourselves?) isn't really much of a dream interpreter, but his (our?) girlfriend is; here's her take:

"Yellow is the color of the second chakra, representing the solar plexus (stomach, spleen, etc.). The chakra focuses on mental clarity, the will and ambition, so perhaps this woman was bringing her something, a flowering of sorts, of clarity perhaps. Or else she was showing herself as willful or ambitious. The flowering kind of throws you off this interpretation because it seems to be a pretty and pleasant image. But maybe it’s not – she could be mutating. Is Karen’s feeling positive or negative towards this woman? And from the dream dictionary – if a flower’s in bloom then so is one’s true nature, if it is closed it may represent unhappiness."

Mumbo? Perhaps. Jumbo? Perhaps not! It's hard to say what makes less sense here, Karen, the dream itself or the interpretation thereof. All we can really add ourselves is that maybe there's some weird Georgia O'Keefe stuff going on here. Watch out for that pistil. Or is it the stamen that’s on your mind? In that this might not prove to be quite the satisfying answer you sought and you’re worried about losing precious REM sleep over it, feel free to investigate the fine resources for further research into this delicate subject matter found here. Or go lie on your quack’s couch.

While it is sadly true that the Essefficist knows pretty much nothing about chakras, Karen, baseball is a whole nother story and we think we can help you out with that Dustan Mohr thing. For those of you who don't commit every detail of every Giants game to memory, Karen’s talking about the first game of the Expos doubleheader on August 19th, which the Giants lost because they played like donkeys. (Don’t feel too bad, though, because they won the second game a million to one.) Typical of their performance in that game, at one point Mohr was on second and Bonds hit a lazy popup to the outfield. Mohr, lingering off of second base, possibly dreaming of yellow flowers, possibly dreaming of that pretty girl that winked at him from the third row, didn't bother to go back to the bag. The outfielder tossed the ball over to second and, ta-daa, another Giants double play. So, what was going through Mohr’s head? The answer? Nothing. Nothing at all. He had his head shoved so far up his ass for a moment there that all thought and instict got squeezed out through his nose in a wet and bubbly brain fart. You see, Dustan Mohr is funny that way. In the last couple of weeks alone, in addition to this base running gaffe, he lost not one but two late inning fly balls in the sun while his flippable sunglasses were in the useless "up" position. And what was he thinking? Nothing! In one of those games, he went on to hit a huge homerun and make a jaw dropping diving catch deep in left center to save the game, but in the other one, against the lowly Mets, his misplay led directly to two unearned runs and a Giants loss. It seems there are two explanations for this wild inconsistency: either Mohr is just a young, energetic ballplayer who’s still learning how to settle down and play the game right, or he’s a big dummy. The Essefficist hopes it’s the former.

Next week, hopefully, Craig’s List hookups. And, hey, email your questions to the Essefficist or post them in the comments. But please, no more russian porn!